


Gracious

by storylinecontinuum



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Break Up, Break Up Aftermath, Gavin Reed swears a lot, M/M, No Incest, gavin and kamski are NOT siblings here, gavin and tina are bffs fight me, not between main ship tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-09-12 06:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16868032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storylinecontinuum/pseuds/storylinecontinuum
Summary: All these rich assholes were the same. They were the same and he knew it."Are you alright?""I’m sorry to hear that.""You have a charming smile…"…  Fuck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a firm Gav900 shipper but the lack of Gavski fics in this fandom is in my opinion a crime hence this disaster

“Stop fussing around, Gavin, you look fine.”

“You sure?”

Gavin tugged at his tie for the umpteenth time, shuffling it around before leaving it in the same position as before. The dark grey suit looked sleek enough but he somehow felt that had changed after its trip from the hanger to his body. The folds just seemed to appear at the wrong places.

A sigh rose from behind his back.

“Yes, Gavin I’m sure.”

Samuel’s hand found his shoulder, giving him a quick brush. It was meant as a reassurance yet somewhere in the back of his head Gavin felt that his boyfriend would have been more attentive to him if that were the case. After all, the suit was supposed to make him look good. Better than average at least but Samuel seemed content to keep his hands to himself.

It pulled a frown on Gavin’s face. He was probably overthinking again. Samuel had an important meeting ahead of him, not just a long night of sipping champagne and looking pretty. Not that Gavin had a hang of the latter. The blazer jacket still looked oddly bunched at the shoulders and he felt like his slacks were trying to make fun of his legs.

At least he felt good about the color - charcoal. It complemented his eyes, the salesman had said. Samuel had just said it was a ‘nice’ color, he hadn’t bothered to say anything about Gavin. 

_There you go again_ Gavin grit his teeth. _Don’t ruin this for him._

“Are you done?” Samuel called from the doorway to their bedroom, still fidgeting with his own cufflinks ironically.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good, the car’s waiting downstairs.”

 

It was slightly hard to process that Samuel had hired an actual chauffeur to take them to the event instead of letting the Aston Martin drive them itself. The gravity of it all was kind of unsettling and Gavin had just started to believe he’d got used to Samuel’s lifestyle. He was just a damn detective for fuck’s sake.

But if there was one thing he could understand it was ambition and Samuel’s ambition had gotten him as far as a billion dollar gala. Hosted by Elijah the-devil-himself Kamski.

Gavin’ measly discomfort paled in the face of it and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been flattered by how insistent Samuel had been on him coming. So he’d swallowed it down like a champ or at least managed to push it far enough so it wouldn’t irk Samuel as much.

Samuel wanted him there. He needed him. He needed his support or at least that’s what Gavin told himself when he was pulled from the car by his forearm with a hasty ‘we’re here’. Didn’t that shit look more romantic in movies?

“You should prepare for a long night. We’re mainly aiming for a deal with Cyberlife but there are other people here I want to talk to.” Samuel recited next to him, still holding tight to his arm. “I might not be able to stay with you the entire time.”

“Yeah, sure.” Gavin nodded, not the least surprised by the words.

From the corner of his eye, Samuel shot him a funny look before facing stoically forward once again.

Gavin attributed it to nerves and said nothing.

They were quickly checked off on a list and then directed through a lavish lobby that Gavin could only describe as a spectacle of baroque being attacked by modernity.

The base design was common enough – a grandiose European palace room leaning heavily on reds and gold for its first impression, high ceiling, crystal chandeliers and enough details to confuse an android. What really made the place stand out however were the massive structures of glass jutting out from the walls – enormous geometric shapes that seemed to have phased halfway through the building before stopping and hanging suspended in the air.

Gavin had to give them points for trying. It was the least obtrusive avant-garde hybridization he’d seen so far and he’d seen a lot of garish ones throughout the years.

“You know how important this is to me, right?” Samuel’s voice cut through his observations suddenly and Gavin was thrown off as he received another odd look.

“Of course I do.” Gavin grimaced.

He’d been acutely aware of it for the past week. Samuel had made sure of it and it was weird for him to ask this now. Gavin had never given him any ground to believe that he didn’t take his business seriously so he was almost offended since, in fact, it had always been quite the opposite.

He wasn’t given any chance to voice his thoughts though as he was tugged forward again without another word.

Their brisk pace carried them past a smattering of guests that had arrived approximately the same time as them, all swathed in glossy looking fabrics and leisurely taking in their surroundings with open awe, and soon they were dashing into the reception hall itself – one of the most enormous space Gavin had set foot in in his entire life.

From there it didn’t take them long to reach the hub of the venue and a smile blossomed across Samuel’s face as he approached the first group of big names, promptly letting go of Gavin to dive into a handshake.

Gavin simply smoothed out the imprint of his hand from his suit and put on his prettiest face.

 

 

Two hours later and Gavin was only on his second flute of champagne. Samuel had abandoned him ages ago and he was trying his best to behave on his own, bored as he was out of his mind and not feeling any less misplaced than before.

The soft violin music was beginning to eat through his eardrums and the hall had nothing of interest to offer after his third sweep.

All he had ascertained from them was that there was a lot of gold. And glass. And tall windows.

Now, Gavin loved tall windows but he hardly saw the point of them if they were going to be covered under so much heavy drapery. But what did he know – he was merely an uncultured swine and his only job was to make sure that showed as little as possible.

He shuffled, putting one foot in front of the other.

They weren’t even at Kamski’s place – it was some lavish hotel outside the city with a giant fountain in the front and miles of gardens in the back. Same old. The show of glass had gotten stale pretty quickly once Gavin had gotten used to the scale of everything.

He brought the flute to his mouth and flexed his jaw with the sip. God, he’d been smiling politely at greasy businessmen for the better part of an hour and the discomfort of it was beginning to settle in. Physical discomfort that is - the other one he was used to, especially as he was aware how close his boyfriend came to being a greasy businessman himself.

Gavin’s job did not require such practices and he was really starting to miss the weight of his badge and holster. If only Tina could see him now. She would probably laugh her ass off or (more likely) pity him. He pitied himself already and he knew it had much to do with how Samuel had discarded him in the first fifty minutes they were there.

“Sir?”

The voice was near enough to make him turn at the inquisitive tone and he came face to face with a man in a waiter’s uniform. He was talking to Gavin.

“I’ll need you to come with me sir.”

Shit.

Shit shit shit. Had he really been so conspicuous? He knew his scarred mug didn’t exactly belong at a place like this but they didn’t have to be such assholes about it.

“My boyfriend is-“

“I know sir. You are Mr. Reed, correct?”

Gavin gave an owlish wink followed by a dumb nod.

“Then I will indeed have to ask you to come with me.” His tone was polite enough but Gavin knew better.

One could never tell what to expect from these coiffured bastards. Had Samuel been kicked out? Or had Gavin’s peasant presence already offended someone here?

Either way he shuffled away from the wall obediently and followed the waiter/valet/something as he led him across the hall, through the crowds and chatter.

He wasn’t nervous – Samuel could make him squirm but he’d looked down the barrel of a gun far too many times to be intimidated by a social blunder fallout. Or whatever this costumed monkey was leading him to.

His stomach did churn at the thought of disappointing Samuel but he pushed the feeling down with a gulp.

They stopped before a door, artfully integrated into the décor, and the waiter kindly took his empty flute before cueing him into the room. Once he was inside the door clicked shut behind him cutting off the sound of the violins and Gavin was left in a small private lounge room.

Clueless as to what he should do next, he looked around taking in his new surroundings.

The place was indeed small, tall ceiling reduced to normal height and the room only fitting a long bar and a few armchairs around a glass table. Everything looked as expensive as the rest of the venue and only lacked any glass decorations to fit in with its style.

There was also nobody else aside from Gavin as far as he could see or at least so he thought until a voice drifted up from the direction of the bar giving him a good start.

“Good evening, Mr. Reed. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Gavin’s eyes shot to the newcomer, ready to tell them there had been some sort of mistake or to potentially defend himself, and his jaw promptly lost its socket.

He gaped. And then he closed his stupid mouth.

And then he gaped again because right fucking there, having emerged from somewhere behind the bar, was their fucking host.

_Elijah fucking Kamski._

All of a sudden, Gavin felt extremely stupid for shoving his hands in his pockets like a total jackass.

What the hell was Kamski doing here??

Okay, scratch that, this was Kamski’s gala it only made sense the man himself would be here.

Then what was Gavin doing there? In the same room, alone with the other.

Gavin’s mouth dried up.

He watched, still stumped (but not nervous), as the other walked around the massive mahogany counter and sauntered up to one of the armchairs, laying his hand on the back of it while looking all suave and shit. He was dressed in a burgundy three piece, white button down and slim black tie underneath, his long hair secured in a topknot that had no business looking so fitting in a setting like that.

Okay, so maybe he was a _little_ nervous.

“Likewise.” Gavin finally came around to saying.

A part of him desperately hoped this was just some part of the event that he was simply the first to be present for and others were soon going to come trickling in. It sure as hell didn’t felt like that, however, as Kamski rounded the armchair and made himself comfortable in it, giving Gavin a nice long look.

A few drops of sweat slid down Gavin’s neck.

Now, he didn’t have any particular opinion of the man – sure, he was the source behind the bane of Gavin’s existence (Connor) but one couldn’t really blame the whole deviancy shitstorm on him.

He’d only reclaimed his position at Cyberlife a few months ago, long after the waters had settled in the wake of the revolution, and as far as Gavin was concerned he was just a man with a business. A self-made business that he’d actually had the skill to bring to life instead of being some greedy, leechy asshole with only the ego and connections to account for their success. Gavin could respect that. He himself was a firm believer of hard work and ambition after all.

So it was only natural he felt a modicum of pressure for being alone with the other.

 _He’s also the reason Samuel’s been freaking out on you this past week so don’t you dare fuck this up_ his brain reminded him kindly.

“I hope you are enjoying yourself at my event?” Kamski prodded and Gavin gave an automatic nod.

“Of course.” He answered politely or as politely as he could.

Kamski kept staring at him over his steepled fingers, one ankle over his knee and in Gavin’s opinion nobody had ever looked more at home in these posh surroundings than Kamski did then.

As time continued to stretch between them, Gavin fought to suppress a frown. This situation was starting to weird him out.

“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Reed?” Kamski asked sharply all of sudden.

Gavin huffed out a laugh in response.

“I’m not really here as a functional piece per se.” _yeah, good job – keep sassing him you moron._ “Or are you asking about this room in particular?”

“The room, as you can guess, is for privacy.” The other’s fingers laced closer together. “Your partner, Mr. Bridges, is hoping for a very ambitious deal with my company. In spite of that I actually believe it would be a very beneficial affair for both our businesses.”

“Yeah, that’s my Samuel – always the enterprising type.”

“Indeed.” Kamski moved to take a sip from the whisky glass he’d perched at the edge of the armrest.

“I do find it quite interesting though,” He drawled, fingers playing with the edge of the glass distractedly. “that in order for the deal to go through he even promised me a night with you in exchange.”

A beat of silence.

The sound of violins seeped through the walls like a parasite and molded with the heavy atmosphere in a grisly clash.

“…what?”

“You heard me.” Kamski’s eyes had the intensity of a bird of prey as he bore them into Gavin without mercy. “Mr. Bridges promised me a _night_ with you as a part of our business deal.”

The emphasis on night rent the heavy air like a sledgehammer and slammed into Gavin’s chest.

Gavin stopped breathing for a moment.

Those pale blue eyes were ripping a hole through his soul, searching and expectant but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. He only scrunched his brows in bewilderment.

“I don’t understand…” He tried again only to be met with the blank wall of Kamski’s flat stare.

His gut was twisting in that way that told him something was very wrong and he floundered uselessly in his confusion. He’d been thrown off balance the moment he’d stepped through the door and now Kamski was telling him something his brain couldn’t wrap around.

Gavin knew he probably couldn’t keep up with most of the people here – he was way out in uncharted territory – but he couldn’t be that out of the loop to now understand what kind of game was being played here. Did Kamski realize he was outright slandering his boyfriend, saying he’d practically sold Gavin like some sort of commodity?

This had to be joke right?

So why wasn’t anybody laughing.

Gavin kept staring at Kamski’s unmoving eyes but there was no humor there. Cold sweat began to bead at his neck and he felt his heart speed up.

There was no punchline, his mind whispered frightfully, he was waiting for a punchline and it just wasn’t coming. The room and his surroundings began to smudge into a blur and Gavin felt his stomach give a painful lurch, gut still screaming over the rush of blood in his ears.

Gavin knew when people were lying. He had been a detective for years now and he could discern when a suspect was lying. There were tells, little ticks that gave it away no matter how hard-boiled the person was.

And Gavin felt sick because he didn’t see any of that with Kamski.

No matter how hard he looked, no matter how long he stared.

He felt himself begin to tremble.

This wasn’t happening, Gavin kept telling himself, there was no way Kamski was telling the truth. He was messing with him– he had to be. Samuel would never do this to Gavin, he wouldn’t-

_“You know how important this is to me, right?”_

 

 

 

Gavin’s world collapsed into ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading sweetlings~ I haven't written anything in a while and I still have atrocious problems with pacing, paragraphs and transition but whelp I did type out eight chapters of that so bombs away! (I've rewritten this chapter so many times help)
> 
> please tell me what you think in the comments uwu
> 
> also my tumblr is eyyydbh so if you haven't deserted that sinking ship you're welcome to come scream at me there


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's another heavily edited chapter for you guys - this one's more of a filler but I had to practice writing emotions and there's going to be a lot of that here
> 
> also!! I made some edits for this story, the links to which you can find in the end notes
> 
> and last but not least I want to thank everyone who supported this story and brought me so much joy by doing so!! your comments and kudos are lovely and I send all my love to you wonderful readers out there <333

A telltale sting had begun building behind his eyes and Gavin squeezed them shut in desperation. Tremors of shock kept rattling his body and it wasn’t getting any easier to breathe. He was locked in his little world of shellshock while muscles clenched painfully all over his body.

He couldn’t control himself, he couldn’t _breathe_.

A voice drifted up from the armchair, sounding as though it was coming from miles away.

“Of course, I had no plans to take Mr. Bridges up on his offer.”

Kamski was talking, seemingly oblivious to Gavin’s inner turmoil.

“But I still thought this meeting was in order.” He waved his hand around in a vague gesture that made the whiskey in the glass swirl with sickening cheer.

Hardly any of it reached Gavin, however, whose mind was running a mile a minute.

Samuel had tried to sell him like a fucking whore.

His _boyfriend_ had bargained with him on the table and was ready to let another man put his hands on him. To use him and throw him away before shaking hands with the same man that had sworn he loved Gavin and Gavin was ready to devote his life to.

The burning in his lungs was suddenly making his chest constrict and he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyelids until his head felt like it was about to explode.

“Oh my god.” He echoed brokenly and felt his lower lip tremble. Disbelief, betrayal and caustic shame were battling inside his chest and making him lightheaded.

Everything felt surreal and warm and cold at the same time.

Samuel would do it wouldn’t he. All the cajoling and questioning had been because he’d had this whole thing planned out. He had always been ruthless when it came to his business and now Gavin had become a means to an end. Had Samuel ever thought more of him in the first place? Had he ever even loved Gavin at all?

Gavin felt sick thinking about it.

“Mr. Reed… are you alright?”

Samuel had been setting this up for a while, he had to have. The deal he’d been so intent on securing had been in the works for weeks, ever since he’d been in a meeting with Kamski which had led to the invitation to the gala. Is that how long their relationship had been nothing but a farce? Was Gavin only worth as much as to be thrown out the moment a good enough profit made itself known on the horizon?

The roaring buzz soared insistently in Gavin’s head.

A shuffling sound indicated that Kamski was moving and Gavin’s eyes snapped open to see him making to stand up.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me!” He snarled, pointing a shaky finger at the other that seemed to freeze him in his spot. It was a bad idea, however, as Gavin’s voice shattered painfully on the words and his eyes were now free to spill the tears that were quickly pooling.

A choked sound caught in his throat upon inhaling and he jerked his head to the floor to alleviate the need to cry. His body kept trembling wildly.

Meanwhile Kamski was still rooted to the spot, blue eyes wide as though he didn’t know what to do with himself. Gavin only felt himself unravel further under the man’s scrutiny. The shame that had grown in the pit of his stomach churned viciously in response and summoned all his insecurities, screaming and kicking in the face of the betrayal.

He felt vulnerable and humiliated. Unstable. Like the slightest push would make him lose it all and he would collapse in a sobbing mess in front of an audience. It was terrifying.

And so, in a mad scramble to regain control, his brain made a last-ditch effort to preserve his dignity. It fell back on the most familiar source of comfort Gavin could ever come up with: _rage_.

“I’m going to kill him.” He hissed quietly, clenching his jaw and feeling his muscles flex in anticipation.

“I’m going to _kill_ him.”

The new feeling blanketed his sanity like a shield, dousing him in a familiar red film as his clammy hands balled into fists. His sorrow was suddenly replaced by the picture of Samuel’s bloodied face, Gavin’s knuckles imprinted onto it, and his blood roared with each thud of his heart.

Taking a deep breath that made his nostrils flare he turned with a dizzying motion and crossed the distance to the door in two thundering steps.

The motion sent something akin to panic across Kamski’s face but Gavin didn’t stick around to address it.

The door creaked in protest as he nearly ripped it off its hinges and the next second he was storming into the hall. Behind him, Elijah scrambled to follow.

The clarity of the violins assaulted Gavin the moment he set foot outside the lounge yet he paid it no mind as he scanned the crowds, taking a sharp left to avoid mowing anyone down. He felt like an angry bull, cornered and pushed into a frenzy. His fists itched unbearably with each passing second and he could hear his own murderous thoughts in the roar of blood that clawed at his ears.

“Mr. Reed wait!” Kamski ran after him, maneuvering around a few shocked valets that turned after him in bewilderment.

He was by Gavin’s side in a flash and he grabbed Gavin’s shoulder firmly to try and stop him in his tracks.

The moment his hand landed on the other’s jacket, Gavin swung his right side forward forcefully to dislodge the appendage. His reservations be damned, he was going to punch Kamski in his angular face.

Using the momentum from the jerk, he pivoted around to face Kamski and fixed the billionaire with the most bloodthirsty glare he could manage.

“Please be rational.” Kamski whispered, seemingly unperturbed by the threatening display, and only leaned closer to Gavin instead. He had lowered his voice to a private tone, eyes darting around as if to ascertain whether anybody was watching and his hand had found its way back to Gavin’s shoulder where Gavin had just shrugged it off from.

“You’re a police officer correct?” Kamski tried to reason with him in a hushed whisper. “Then I would really suggest you think of your reputation first.”

It took a few moments for the words to sink in and when they did it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over Gavin.

Fuck, Kamski was right. If Gavin started anything in a place like this, he could kiss his career prospects goodbye. The media would be all over it in a flash and there were probably more journalists here than Gavin’s arrest record for a year. Fowler would have his head for it… or his badge.

A few moments passed of Gavin staring mutely at Kamski.

The fight had drained from him rapidly and the sound of his own ragged breathing was finally reaching his ears over the din of the reception hall. He found himself standing there, drenched in cold sweat and gasping like he’d run a marathon.

Eventually, his shoulders sagged the tiniest bit, prompting Kamski’s hand slide away as well.

But even if the desire to punch had cleared Gavin’s system, the anger wasn’t so easy to get rid of. It still simmered poisonously under his skin. Along with many other emotions that threatened to explode if not addressed soon.

He could feel himself vibrating like a sealed pressurized container and he knew that he had to get some fresh air before he burst again like he had in the lounge before.

So he twisted his fingers into his slacks and turned his body away from Kamski.

And then he walked away.

Away from Kamski, away from the gala and away from its guests.

His stiff gait carried him through the rest of the hall and out the double doors that led into the lobby. The doormen gave him odd looks as he barreled past them but he didn’t care as he all but ran down the stairs, never looking back to check for a glimpse of Samuel’s face among the crowd.

Crossing the graveled driveway he arrived at the dimly lit road where the shadows beckoned to take him away from the prying gazes of posh assholes and uniformed busboys.

He looked like shit. His breathing was still nowhere near level and his face was probably red and blotchy. He must have appeared crazed and he felt every bit of it inside.

His fucking life had been blown to pieces. A piss poor illusion that he had pathetically hung onto without having the slightest clue what an idiot he was being. Samuel thought nothing of him – Samuel had been ready to _sell_ him.

“Fuck!” he spat, digging his fingers into his hair.

He could feel the buzz swell in his chest again as reality crashed over him once more.

His mind couldn’t help but rewind back to the private lounge where he had been so sure he could catch Kamski lying. It seemed ridiculous now – Gavin had nabbed so many suspects trying to worm their way out of their handcuffs but he had never realized he was being played like fiddle in his own home.

It was a fucking catastrophe, he thought as he pulled at his locks hard enough to cause an ache to creep over his scalp.

Samuel had never loved him despite all of Gavin’s efforts, all his reassurances to himself that he was worthy of the other’s affections. Gavin had been a fool and Kamski probably thought so as well, everyone would if they knew how pathetic and gullible he was. Yet even if they somehow did, the thought was still a thousand times more bearable than the heartbreak itself.

The gravel crunched under his shoes as if he was stepping on the glass shards of his own failure.

By this point, he had walked far enough from the lights of the hotel for them to merely be a slight reflection against the night sky.

The cold air was finally starting to work on the burn in his lungs and he felt a weight settle in its place. Christ, what had his life come down to. What was he going to do? Nine years of his past had just evaporated in mere minutes. And he didn’t even want to think about the damage his pride had taken. He felt raw – raw and bitter and crushed and just so exposed and hurting that it made him want to curl by the side of the road and stay there.

By the time he realized he wouldn’t be getting anywhere by walking down a road that took miles to reach Detroit it was well into the night.

The autonomous taxi found him on the curb in the middle of nothing and he thanked every deity out there that there wasn’t a driver inside.

Paying for a hotel didn’t feel any less humiliating, however, even if the receptionist had no way of reading his sob story by his face alone. As he collapsed onto the cheap hotel bedding, Gavin thought he had never felt more pathetic in his life.

 

The next day at work was predictably a complete nightmare.

A headache had slithered its way under Gavin’s skull sometime during the night and he went through his shift like a ghost, floating mindlessly between duties.

He felt drained and detached, going through the motions while keeping yesterday’s events behind a barricade, ignoring the hole in his chest and the uncomfortable tightness around it. It sat there both hollow and heavy.

His only source of relief was that he’d managed to arrive at work at an ungodly enough hour – the ass crack of dawn basically – and there had been no one from the skeleton crew between shifts to catch him in his suit before he could quickly change into his old uniform in the locker rooms.

The said uniform currently acted as a magnet for many curious eyes and even worse was the fact that Gavin didn’t feel an iota of his usual belligerence to tell them to fuck off.

Fowler had chewed him out for leaving his duty weapon at home but all in all let him off relatively easy.

In fact he had seemed greatly unsettled by Gavin’s behavior. And he wasn’t the only one.

Tina had taken only one look at his sorry state before she was all over him, demanding an explanation and refusing to leave his desk before getting it. She had only backed down after an hour of fruitless badgering and even then she’d done it after a promise from him to tell her everything later. Currently, she was watching him from her desk like a hawk, looking ready to shoot out of her chair every time he pressed a hand to his temples.

That was why he hadn’t ended up in front of her door last night. She simply cared too much. And as much of an asshole as he was, he could appreciate that she did despite not having much of a reason to.

Honestly, Tina was amazing and Gavin would never say otherwise. Even so he didn’t want to burden her with the shitload of issues he was having at the moment. He’d always held back where it concerned Samuel because the life that came with him was hard for Gavin himself to comprehend, let alone someone outside it.

It didn’t stop him from trusting Tina with his life so he didn’t hoard any scruples because of it.

Later in the day he had to fight off another milder attempt on Chris’ side to crack him but the afternoon had brought a much needed attempted homicide to investigate and ironically a sense of peace with it.

He forwent returning to the precinct after that, holding his ground through the barrage of angry messages from Tina that followed, and instead headed straight back to his hotel. He couldn’t even find the strength to summon any amusement at the look of the receptionist as a cop in full uniform walked through the lobby and into the elevators.

The evening found him in the same position as the previous night. Sprawled over the bed, eyes cast lifelessly over the opposite wall.

Keeping his thoughts from dismantling him.

If asked he would say he was going through the five stages of grief at a commendable speed. He just hoped that the all-consuming numbness was a side effect of depression and not the hollow trap of denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here are the promised edits! they are of kamski and gavin in suits because men in suits amiright?:
> 
> https://eyyydbh.tumblr.com/post/180956516283/a-kamski-edit-i-did-for-my-kamski-x-gavin-fic
> 
> https://eyyydbh.tumblr.com/post/180250341048/ladies-and-gentleman-a-concept-alternatively
> 
> ps I wanted to say that many of the rewrites happened because I spontaneously decided to make Kamski's intentions ambiguous in the first chapter and I hope that sort-of-cliffy worked for you guys? but indeed, this kamski we have here isn't going to be an amoral hardass (no matter how tempting it may be to write him like that). I've always seen Kamski as a grey character rather than an antihero and most of it is because I can't see him being as heartless as the Kamski test scene portrayed him, especially given how heavily it was implied he has a finger in the revolution's success. I won't spam this note with any more of my Kamski hcs but if you do wanna rant about it I'll be happy to hear from you either in the comments or over at tumblr!
> 
> once again, thank you for the support so far and I hope to see you in the next chapter as well!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more support from you guys and couldn't describe how grateful I am! Thank you so much, you are amazing!
> 
> That being said, sorry for taking a whole week to put this out here. Please enjoy~
> 
> In other news, I still have awful pacing problems.

Gavin had been wrong.

He hadn’t gotten through the stage of depression yet. In fact he hadn’t even been done with denial when he had falsely assumed so. Because now all he felt was _rage_. Again, apparently.

The little tantrum he’d thrown at Kamski’s gala seemed to have been just a glimpse of that and could hardly compare to the broiling mass of pure hate and indignation that coursed through his veins at present.

Not that he was surprised. Oh, no. Anger had always been the emotion Gavin defaulted to when confronted with any kind of adverse situation. It was constantly there, just below the surface, waiting for a trigger to rear its ugly head and rain hellfire on whatever had summoned it (and whatever happened to cross Gavin’s path as collateral).

With Samuel he had tried his best to hold it back. Samuel had simply been too god for that, too good for Gavin’s bullshit. This of course had led to Gavin blowing a gasket at the smallest of things when he went to work afterwards. Needless to say, his disciplinary record had gotten quite the boost from it. Much like his notoriety among his colleagues.

Though, even if he did try and hold it back his temper had often proved itself to be beyond his control. The last fight he and Samuel had had had been particularly spectacular:

 

_“I was in the hospital you ignorant prick, I had nearly bled to death! They pulled two bullets from my chest and you couldn’t even be there for me!”_

_“Gavin, calm down, please. There was no way I could have known.”_

_“You could have picked up your damn phone! What kind of man shuts off his phone when he knows his boyfriend is a fucking cop!? I even called you before that you bastard and you hung up on me!”_

_“Jesus, Gavin could you stop making a fuss for a second – our neighbors are not going to like this.”_

_“I don’t give a shit about our neighbors!”_

_“Okay, okay! I get it. Just breathe. Breathe and listen to me, this deal-“_

_“Oh don’t you fucking start. I don’t want-“_

_“No. Listen to me Gavin! You don’t want to hear about it because you don’t know what I’m going to say. This deal is going to make our lives so much better. No, just, listen - this is the opportunity of a lifetime. We are going to be happy Gavin, we’re going to be successful.”_

_“…”_

_“Listen to me baby, I’m going to make this work for us. This is everything we could ever dream of. I promise. You know I love you right? I’m doing this for us.”_

Holy hell… He was such an idiot.

Gavin wanted to pull his roots out.

No wonder he hadn’t seen a thing. If only that fight had been the end of them – and it should have – Gavin would have been spared the disgust and humiliation but Samuel had worked him so easily. After being ditched in the hospital that night Gavin should have been done.

Instead he’d perked his ears and crawled right back into Samuel’s lap. Because Samuel was the best – he was Gavin’s greatest achievement, the man he thought he could never, for the life of him, land himself. He was smart and handsome, well-spoken, ambitious, from a good background (rich) and with a bright future ahead of him.

Gavin’s mother couldn’t believe it when she’d first met him. She’d put a lot of effort afterwards to make sure Gavin understood that Samuel was a man he couldn’t afford to lose, that he had to hold onto him no matter what. If only she knew where that had gotten him.

To the point where he wanted to pull all of the man’s teeth out and bash his face in so that he would never see it again.

To the point where he burned with the sadistic desire to drive his boot into the fucker’s gut again and again while telling him exactly what kind of scum he was, a profanity for every blow and satisfying kick.

To the point where Gavin could avenge every suffocating emotion he had had to suffer.

But of course he couldn’t even do that.

Samuel was untouchable to him. Suppose Gavin so much as showed up at his door displaying any malicious intent, Samuel would get every judge, lawyer and government official on his side and make sure Gavin’s career was blown to smithereens. It didn’t matter that Gavin was from the DPD - even if Fowler glued his eyes with cement, Samuel had access to much higher powers. And that left Gavin powerless.

_Superior to you, he has always been superior. Ten steps ahead since the day you met him._

_Fuck!_

Gavin grit his teeth and nearly ripped his belt in half as he snapped it closed aggressively.

He was running on less than three hours of sleep as his thoughts had refused to let him be for the better part of the night. This had given him plenty of time to spiral into the state he found himself in now and he could only hope he didn’t end up shooting someone on duty today… with his dpd borrowed gun.

…Double fuck. He still hadn’t gathered the nerves to go back to the apartment. He was practically living with the spare clothes Tina kept for him at her place.

She’d given them to him when she’d invited him to her apartment where Gavin had proceeded to tell her a horribly skewed version of what had happened at the gala. After all, there was no way was he going to admit to what kind of monster he’d been in a relationship with for all those years.

All Tina knew was that they’d had a falling out and broken up after that.

She’d asked him to stay after their talk yet he’d been adamant on renting an Airbnb and yes, he promised not to do anything stupid and yes, he would tell her more when he felt ready for it. That last one had yielded him a grimace but thank god she’d let him go. He didn’t know how much longer he’d have such luck with her though.

The door was slammed loudly on his way out and he took the stairs down just to burn some angry energy. It hardly registered that he should probably give a shit about breaking something that wasn’t his property. Breaking something just sounded real nice at that moment.

Trudging down the street, he zipped up his jacket, almost regretting booking an apartment that was so close to the station. Even though it was getting chilly outside, walking had always done miracles for his nerves.

There was also something else that kept bugging him ever since he left the apartment and it didn’t take him long to realize he’d usually be wearing his favorite jacket in this sort of weather. The jacket that was currently hanging next to his gun several blocks away.

Gavin growled and tried to get comfortable in the still creaky leather of the substitute.

The thing had no hood. And it was missing that comforting smell of deeply soaked in cologne, cigarettes and familiarity. It seemed everything in his life had to feel off lately. He felt like he had no ground to stand on – temporary gun, temporary apartment, temporary jacket. All new and unfamiliar. Because his identity of almost a decade had been blown to dust along with all the constants in his life.

So nobody could really blame him if he nearly got a heart attack when the ringtone that blared from his pocket was one he recognized.

“Fucking hell.” He hissed as he began rummaging around in his pockets, getting tangled in a strap that he wasn’t used to being there.

When he finally pulled out his beat up phone there was a new text flashing across its screen.

Gavin paused and stared at it.

It wasn’t from Tina. And it wasn’t from Chris either.

In fact, he shouldn’t have even known who it was from since he didn’t remember ever adding a contact like that to his list.

 

_Are you alright?_

Gavin blinked, poring over the text for once again before unlocking his phone to do it a third time.

Random people kept passing him by and some threw him irritable looks as he stood frozen in the middle of the street.

It took him several moments to snap out of his daze and the second he did he was already typing furiously.

 

_how the fuck did you get this number_

 

He didn’t even bother asking about the name. Because if his gut feeling was right and this wasn’t a scam there was really no reason to be surprised.

The response was instantaneous and Gavn’s eye twitched as he skimmed over it.

 

_I’m not in the habit of answering questions that function as answers._

Pompous fucking asshole. Gavin groaned out loud and barely resisted the urge to tell the other to go fuck himself if only because he really wanted to know why Kamski of all people had his number.

 

_i’m fine now tell me how the fuck you got this fucking number_

Another lightning fast reply and this time it made Gavin want to chuck his phone across the street. The device was narrowly saved from that grim fate when another text chirped its arrival soon after.

 

_I got it from your boyfriend._

_Well, ex-boyfriend, I presume. He gave it to me willingly though I suppose that’s because I asked prior to telling him our deal wasn’t going through._

Gavin’s eyes widened slightly and he felt something uncoil in his gut as he read the last text.

He’d been too angry (and sad) to think about it before but now that he knew, it made him feel incredibly relieved.

Samuel’s deal had fallen through. He wasn’t going to get his way even after he’d thrown Gavin under the bus.

The most horrid scenario that Gavin had had in his head ever since the gala wasn’t going to happen and Gavin could almost physically feel the relief that washed over him.

He’d been so afraid because even though he hadn’t slept with Kamski and Kamski himself had mentioned that was never his intention, there had always been the possibility of this not affecting the business deal.

It had crushed Gavin to imagine Samuel achieving all his goals while Gavin’s life lied in pieces.

But that wasn’t the case. Thank god, that wasn’t the case.

Gavin took a deep breath and suddenly it was so much easier to do so. He contemplated texting back yet decided against it eventually and simply slipped the phone back into his jacket.

The walk to the station was almost refreshing after that and he actually felt like doing some work as he sat behind his terminal.

All things considered, his day could have been much worse.

 

 

 

Under the heavy cover of clouds, the sky above Detroit looked more dismal than ever.

A dark sedan rumbled down the silent streets of the upper-class neighborhood, parking swiftly next to the tidy sidewalk as it reached its destination.

Once neatly aligned with the unchipped curb, Gavin flicked his wrist to kill the engine and pointed his attention out the window. The buildings that greeted him looked trim and austere, looming against the overcast sky with a sterile kind of sobriety.

Despite the familiarity of the place Gavin still found it unnerving and his mouth went dry at the thought of having to step back into that miserable apartment.

“Hey, champ, are we gonna get a move on or are we gonna sleep here for the night?” Tina piped up from the passenger seat, pulling Gavin out of his musing.

He startled and then gave a dull nod before reaching for the door and climbing out of the car. He was probably creeping her out with his behavior but he knew she was putting up that flippant front for his sake so she most likely understood.

Once again, thank all gods out there for Tina. He wasn’t sure he would have gone through with this without her.

The elevator ride was as oppressive as having to shuffle past the security guard at the entrance - the guy always seemed to have some sort of grudge against Gavin. As if his fat salary put him above watching over assholes like him.

By the time they reached the front door to his apartment, Gavin’s dread had grown tenfold and he fumbled with the electronic lock wanting to get this over with asap.

The device chirped cheerfully as it recognized his fingerprint and the door swung open silently.

Taking a tentative step inside, Gavin acnned the dreary interior. The murky daylight outside bathed everything in gloomy grays, the monochrome furniture nearly indiscernible, and mired the far corners of the place in thick darkness.

As expected, there was no sign of Samuel who was supposed to be at the company at this hour. It made a sigh of relief rip itself out of Gavin’s chest, though he couldn’t help but think that the place looked even eerier without the human presence.

Just as he reached the middle of the living room, however, a shadow leapt from one of the dark corners of the room and trotted up to him while making one hell of a ruckus.

“Hey there, partner.” Gavin smiled for the first time that day and scooped up the excited meowing mess into his arms. “I missed you too.”

Tina stepped inside after him and shot the scene before her a grin.

“You two are so cute.” She commented, brushing her fingers over the fluffy tuxedo before ambling off into the kitchen. She didn’t say anything about how this was the first time she was seeing Gavin’s cat and Gavin’s apartment in general. Gavin was grateful for it.

Another loud meow assaulted his ears followed by a wet nose against his cheek and he thought about how he hadn’t seen Puffin this lively in a while. He wondered if that bastard had even bothered to feed her while Gavin was gone.

Samuel had never expressed any favor for his cat and Gavin was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

He should have taken that as a sign – cats were never wrong when it came to people.

Setting Puffin down next to her worryingly empty bowl, Gavin poured some cat food into it and got up to look around the room. Tina had already found his badge and pistol and was checking the magazine for any missing bullets. Smart move, Gavin had to agree.

It was never too late to worry about a vengeful boyfriend, even if that boyfriend was more likely to be Gavin.

Although when Gavin thought about it later as he was shoving shirts into a duffel bag, Samuel probably never planned to have anything to do with him after the gala in the first place. The lack of any attempt at contact was proof of that.

Samuel’s sole goal must have been to get that deal and what happened to Gavin after that probably didn’t concern him. Gavin would either be a whore not worthy of Samuel’s attention or a failed means to an end that wasn’t worth the apologies. There hadn’t even been an angry message telling Gavin it was his fault Samuel’s plans hadn’t gone through.

Gavin frowned and ignored the twinge of hurt that squeezed his insides at the thought. _Nothing should surprise you anymore_ he admonished himself and plucked his last piece of clothing from between Samuel’s dry cleaning smelling suits.

All in all Gavin’s possessions were scarce and hardly took much time to round up. Once he finished up in the bedroom he moved to the living room where he beelined to the wall above the mantelpiece.

There, shoved to the side from Samuel’s master’s degree, were Gavin’s academy completion certificate and various exceptional service awards. One by one, he began taking them down and sliding them from inside their frames. For easier transport, you see.

As he was doing so Tina came to look over his shoulder and her face promptly scrunched in distaste.

“Major disrespect.” She put in her two cents and walked off.

Gavin threw her a look, cradling one of the frames in his hand and felt the sudden urge to share with her how hard it was to hold back from smashing all the frames against the wall at that moment. He wanted to, he _really_ wanted to but at the same time he didn’t want to scare Tina or Puffin unnecessarily. He was intent on keeping this crisis to himself.

With his handful worth of achievements tucked safely into his tablet bag he stepped back to look at the now mostly barren wall.

There were no pictures of them. Not even a holoframe.

Samuel had never been big on printed photos and all they owned were e a few digital albums that despite containing some of his childhood memories Gavin would never approach with a ten foot pole from now on.

God forbid he came across _those_ photos. The ones Samuel had taken of him sleeping. That had made him feel so flustered but also wanted and admired and adored.

Looking back now it made him want to throw up. All they had ever been was more fodder for Samuel’s ego or if not that, a way to put Gavin where Samuel wanted hm.

He must have been getting agitated again because next thing he felt was Tina’s arm around his shoulders.

“Come on, big guy, Puffin’s all ready to go.”

As her arm departed Gavin unclenched his fist. There was a dent in the frame inside it.

 

The cat carrier was secured snugly between the two duffel bags and Gavin made one last mental check before turning the key in the ignition. Unlike before he wasn’t so keen on admiring the scenery outside. He couldn’t tell how he felt anymore. If asked he would say he was exhausted.

Next to him Tina was oddly silent until they reached the main road and her lips cracked into a smile.

“Your cat likes me a lot.”

Gavin felt his shoulders relax despite himself.

“Bitch, I’d bet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know what you think - how come so little happens in this story. And well... you're right? I know this isn't very action heavy and it made me wonder whether to tag it as slow burn but to be honest I'm not sure if it belongs there so??? idk?? the relationship is going to develop in a very weird way and I hope it doesn't disappoint but I'll just stop making assumptions and try and edit the next chapter sooner
> 
> btw I'm already sketching out some short sequels in my head that may turn this fic into a series so if you do like the ending there might just be more after that
> 
> please do tell me your thoughts in the comments! I'm not sure if I'm writing Gavin's thoughts and emotions well and I do want to explore his character in more depth so any constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome here


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: time to edit the next chapter!  
> uni: no  
> me: wait, but-  
> holidays: no  
> me: but I-  
> family: NO  
> me: ಥ﹏ಥ
> 
> (guys we reached 70+ kudos!!! Thank you so much, you are amazing!!!!)

Honestly, Gavin couldn’t even lie to himself anymore – this was bound to happen.

Him draped over the bar in a dingy joint, so thoroughly wasted he would probably set off an explosion just by breathing on a match. There was no escaping this outcome.

In no scenario was Gavin Reed capable of dealing with trauma without attempting to drown it in ethanol at some point and it was a miracle he’d put it off for so long.

Pure luck on the other hand dictated that the barman of the place was one who had tolerated Gavin for enough years to have the exasperated decency to call him a cab and drag his deadweight ass to it. Finding the way back to his Airbnb apartment definitely involved the good graces of several deities and after only five miserable attempts Gavin had unlocked the front door and somehow stumbled his way to his bedroom. He didn’t remember any of it.

Didn’t remember telling the barman all about Samuel, from the day they met in college to the day Gavin last saw him at Kamski’s gala. Wasn’t sure he’d been lucid enough to discern whether the guy believed two words of what he was saying. Wasn’t aware that he’d started ordering doubles after the third glass.

He just wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t

Wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t enough.

His head spun and he tried to stifle his nausea with a series of chuckles. Some part of him was aware that it was all so awfully funny but a larger part was intent on feeling things that Gavin wasn’t all too keen (or sober) to identify. It just gave him a headache.

Feeling the urge to throw up intensify, Gavin called upon all of his will power to turn over onto his back. The ceiling looked awfully distorted from this angle and he frowned at it before turning his head sideways. In doing so he caught sight of a faint blueish light coming from his left and after a while his drunken mind managed to piece together that it was emanating from the phone he’d dumped on the nightstand.

For some inexplicable reason he reached for the device and pulled it to himself precariously. Several slurred curses later it was unlocked and he stared at it disoriented for a few moments until his eyes landed on a text box.

Gavin got to work.

 

 

Hangovers were the mother of all bitches, Gavin decided the next morning as he was woken up by the imperative to sprint to the toilet as quickly as possible.

Once there he’d emptied his stomach thoroughly, proceeding to clutch onto the bowl for a few minutes groaning and cussing at nothing in particular, before dragging his ass back to the bed.

He’d lied his head down on the stiff pillow only to be promptly reminded why he always kept painkillers in the bedside drawer.

Now if only this was _his_ bedside drawer.

So there he was now, trying to literally squeeze a monster headache from between his eyes because he was sure he didn’t have it in him to go get his duffle bags without painting somebody’s carpet with vomit.

Overall, a lovely fucking morning.

He didn’t know what he expected from it. Getting drunk wouldn’t erase his problems and it certainly didn’t make him better equipped to deal with them so it was anybody’s guess why he resorted to it over and over again.

He groaned again as another wave of painpainagonypain washed over him and he questioned his sanity.

Tina would have probably tried to stop him if she knew. And that was precisely why he hadn’t told her he was going out to get wasted. On a Tuesday. With work the following day.

Fuck… Fowler was going to tear him to bits.

There was one good thing about being so irredeemably late, however, and it was that adding another hour to it wouldn’t make that much of a difference to the general offence.

So he remained in bed, trying to get his breathing to slow down to see if it would help with his headache.

Some twenty minutes later he felt good enough to keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds. It gave him the courage to try and sit up and he released a sigh of relief when his insides didn’t protest too violently. Arranging his back against the headboard, he discovered he was finally able to bring most of the room into focus and he promptly grabbed for the phone that had somehow managed not to fall off the bed during the night.

Unlocking it caused an avalanche of angry text messages to flood his screen.

Gavin chuckled to himself. When was Tina ever gonna learn? Gavin was a lost cause and her misguided attempts at mother-henning him were lost on him. Still, it made him somewhat happy.

After typing out a few obnoxious smartass responses, he swiped out of the chat and went back to look at his other messages.

There was Chris, begging him to answer his texts so that Tina would stop her rampaging. A few aborted attempts at drunk-texting the pizza delivery service. Typical. And then there was the last conversation with-

…

…

Oh shit.

He _didn’t._

Gavin stared in horror at the chat sitting at the top of his screen. And then blanched further at seeing that the last message was outgoing.

Scratch that, they were _all_ outgoing he corrected after scrolling up to the start of the conversation.

Fuck him all the way to hell.

He’d drunk texted Kamski. He’d drunk texted Kamski to complain about his _ex_. It was _horrid_.

Gavin wished he could just wrap himself in his blankets and just suffocate so he could never show his face to the world again. He had practically _bitched_ to Kamski about Samuel. He had whined about their relationship, their breakup, how he wanted all of Samuel’s plans to crash and some other emotional bullshit. All of it mangled under drunken typos and barely coherent sentences.

_Jesus fuck_ , Gavin ran his hand over his face and took a deep breath.

His eyes found the ceiling and stared at it for a couple of minutes.

Well, there was no taking that shitstorm back. Turning back to his phone, he quickly typed in a message before hauling his ass out of bed to get ready for work.

 

_forget what i said i was drunk_

He washed up like a man resigned to his fate – blissfully unhurried – and took Fowler’s verbal lashing like a pro, nodding along at every new angry sentence until he was practically kicked out of the glass office and sent to his work station. As he booted up his terminal, various case folders popped up on screen.

Gavin cracked his knuckles and dived into the first one.

 

 

Two weeks passed in a blur and Gavin wasn’t entirely sure how exactly he felt at that point.

On the one hand he had proved that he was still able to function as a detective and that gave him some hope. On the other, his emotions were definitely still a mess.

Getting used to life without Samuel was hard. It was difficult to tell whether it was harder than life with him but then again Gavn had only recently begun to grasp the hardships he’d unknowingly been putting up with for the past near decade.

Still, even without hindsight, he knew he was far from okay at the present moment. The loneliness became all-consuming at times and he still experienced bouts of anger and humiliation when he remembered how it had all ended. He often revisited that frightful moment in the lounge with Kamski – it sprouted up in his nightmares, bringing with it the pain and disappointment that had made it so hard to control himself back then.

The shock had left its mark and Gavin had to deal with that now. Had to deal with his insecurities being worse than ever and his nights being glum and sleepless with mulling over things.

It was a sad existence, really, but he didn’t have any say in it.

What he did know, however, was that working hours were far more bearable as usual and it was a blessed escape to have a couple of minutes every day to exchange pointless banter with Tina in the break room.

And that’s exactly what he planned to do that day as he strode through the glass doors, cracking his neck that had become annoyingly stiff after hours of poring over case files. A quick sweep of the place revealed that Chris and Tina were already bickering about some TV show at a table in the back.

After a few minutes of dissing the main couple in the show with them he went to make himself some coffee before remembering he’d left his mug at his desk and jogged back to the bullpen retrieve it. In doing so he somehow managed to knock a stack of folders to the ground and had to stop and pick it all up. After that he actually spent some time putting his workspace in order, only then going back to his quest to get coffee.

As he walked back into the break room, however, he was greeted with a significantly different atmosphere than before. Gavin faltered uncertainly at the doorway.

Tina and Chris were oddly silent, neither taking notice of Gavin even as he stared at them pointedly. Eventually, Tina seemed to snap out of it as he called to her and her eyes were wide when she fixed them on him.

“Gavin.” she said sounding almost mystified and he followed her gaze to the TV mounted on the wall directly to their left. There was some sort of news report going on, nothing of significance jumping out to Gavin in the generic images being shown until his attention moved to the red headline box in the lower part of the screen.

 

_Bridges Corp. faces bankruptcy after a mindboggling week of decline_

 

Gavin did a double take as his breath hitched in his throat.

Bridges Corp. As in Bridges Corporation… Samuel’s company.

The thought of coffee was quickly abandoned as Gavin pushed forward to stand closer to the TV.

The news anchor droned on with some trivia about the company’s latest endeavors before going back to describing how they had plunged into a crisis, starting no more than a week ago and that ever since the company had been steadily losing stock value at a rate that business experts were having a hard time to explain.

Then, all of a sudden, Cyberlife’s neon blue logo took up the screen and the anchor went on to report how the business giant was suspected to be largely responsible for Bridges Corp’s state of affairs after abruptly reevaluating their strategy on the niche market and pulling valuable investors form the company’s field of interest.

All of it hit Gavin like a slap to the face and he could only stare as he began to recognize some of the photos as places from Samuel’s office building and snapshots of the company’s warehouses. Next to him, Tina had unglued her eyes from the screen and was scouring his face for a reaction but he remained frozen.

Eventually, the news channel moved on to report another story about android rights activists and Tina tried to get Gavin to finally talk to her. He didn’t respond.

Didn’t react when she put her hand on his shoulder and called his name softly.

Instead, he jerked his head to the floor, brows furrowed and then spun on his heel before making a swift exit from the break room. He walked directly to his desk where folded into his chair stiffly and ducked behind his terminal.

A solid few minutes later he jerked back from it with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“What the actual fuck.” He whispered loud enough only for his own ears to hear.

 

 

Gavin didn’t know what to think. For starters he could feel smug. And he did, god knows he did because Gavin Reed never missed an opportunity to feel smug but it was far from the most prominent emotion scrambling around in his head.

There were just too many implications.

The news anchor’s words kept reverberating in his head and his mind could hardly grasp the meaning of it. Bridges Corp had gone under.

The smug part of him wanted to gloat and whoop and punch the air and yet thinking about it he couldn’t help but wonder about how fishy the whole affair was. A company going under so swiftly. And Samuel’s company of all things.

Of course, a bitter voice in his head supplied, not that it was all that devastating of a blow. Samuel was still going to stay afloat and would probably recover from it seeing as Bridges Corp wasn’t the only business he possessed. But it was still the one he had been the fondest of - as evidenced by the fact that he’d slapped his name on it.

He’d had immense plans for that company and had been fervent in pursuing their fruition, reaching out to all his contacts and eventually even Kamski himself…

Gavin scowled at that train of thought.

There was something he had to address here.

Turning on the edge of the bed where he sat, he stretched over to the other side and grabbed for the phone sitting patiently on the nightstand as usual. His fingers were quick as he navigated to Kamski’s contact and the text spilled onto the screen before he could feel too stupid about what he was about to ask.

_did you do that_

A few seconds ticked by as he stared into the neon white light. The urge to delete the text was already nagging him but he somehow suppressed it in favor of chewing at his lip.

He almost bit through it in surprise when his phone vibrated in his hand.

_Do what?_

The text read innocently and Gavin grit his teeth.

 

_don’t play dumb with me asshole you know what i mean_

God, Gavin really hoped he wasn’t the one being dumb here.

 

_Perhaps._

_I guess in a manner of speaking, if you looked at it from an angle._

 

What the fuck did that even mean, Gavin groused mentally.

 

_you use too many fucking words_

 

_Alright then._

_Yes._

_I was responsible for “it”_

 

All the air had left Gavin’s lungs. He read and reread the words as an unfamiliar tightness settled around his gut.

 

…

…

_why_

His heart felt like it was going to punch its way through his ribcage. Anticipation and suspense were making his hands shake and Gavin nearly dropped his phone when the screen lit up again.

_Why not_.

 

He scrambled to think of a reply but Kamski seemed to have him covered as he happily supplied a follow up.

 

_What’s the point in being filthy rich if one can’t have some fun?_

A surprised huffed left Gavin’s mouth. He was shocked to find that it was actually a laugh.

Typical asshole. Somehow Gavin felt like he should have seen it coming but then again this level of flippancy was not something he’d expected from Kamski. It was even more frustrating that the man was right and Gavin was sure he’d feel the same way if he had the money.

He shook his head in amusement, trying to wipe the stupid smile off his face.

Then it was promptly done for him by the next text that flashed onto his screen.

 

_Also, you have a charming smile._

Gavin stared dumbly at the words before his mouth twisted into a frown. A familiar irritation bubbled up in his gut.

 

_when the hell did i ever smile at you_

He grit his teeth white he waited for Kamski to finish his rather long reply.

 

_The first time I saw you_. (Huh?) _Granted, you weren’t smiling at me at the time but rather for the photo your ex would later use as your contact picture._

_I happened to catch a glimpse of it when you called._

Ah… of course. That made perfect sense.

Samuel had always been one for appearances. Their relationship hadn’t been an exception to that and Gavin scoffed as he remembered how meticulous Samuel had been in making sure they presented themselves in the best possible way in public. The happy couple that was nothing but perfect in the eyes of others.

Back then Gavin had basked in the numerous public displays of affection. He’d preened whenever Samuel introduced him to others, pride lacing his voice as he’d wound his arm around Gavin’s waist. It had never occurred to Gavin to consider the fact that those endearments ran cold once they were behind closed doors or that Samuel had always been ever so good at affecting emotions, the good businessman that he was…

Gavin sat staring at the phone unmoving.

The sun had long set outside, leaving the room bathed in dark. After a while his fingers stirred to life and a new text appeared in the chat.

_he hung up on me_ It said simply.

 

_That he did._ Kamski was quick to reply.

 

_i was at a hospital at that time, nearly bled to death from a bullet wound_

Hesitation. No typing in the next couple of seconds.

 

_I’m sorry to hear that._

 

_yeah so am i_

 

Gavin didn’t know what had compelled him to write all that. He kept glaring at his phone, feeling the frustration build and build and that voice in his head that said ‘fuck it’ growing louder.

_listen asshole_

The words began pouring before he had any mind to stop himself. But fuck it right? He was beyond caring.

_i’m not a detective for shit i know what you’re doing here_

All these assholes thinking they had him figured out.

 

_dragging that dirtbag down so you can lift yourself up_

Fuck them. Fuck them all.

 

_i ain’t falling for that shit_

 

By the time that last message was sent he felt like he’d ran in a marathon. His heart thudded loudly in his ears and a savage satisfaction had settled cozily in his chest.

It felt good to say all of it. A catharsis that he’d been needing for a long time and even though it hadn’t come from punching Samuel in his sleazy face, it still felt genuinely good.

He was tired of people playing him like a fiddle. Or thinking that they were. All of these rich assholes were the same.

Gavin felt a smirk creep up his face as he tossed his phone on the bedsheets. He wished he’d been there to see Kamski’s face when he read his texts he thought as he got up and stretched his arms above his head.

Hitting the hay early popped up as an idea and he decided it sounded pretty good at that moment. All that emotional backlash was starting to get to him and he wanted to get up early the next day to start working on a case he felt he was close to cracking. Yeah, he still had some appeasing to do after pissing Fowler off so royally a few weeks ago.

He was just about to head for the bathroom to clean up for then night when a faint buzz caught his attention.

Gavin froze and looked down at the bed behind him. His screen was glowing.

Huh… funny. He hadn’t expected a response. But then again the bastard could be trying to sleaze out of the situation with an apology. He bent down and picked up the device zeroing in on the lock screen notification.

 

_I’m sorry, detective, but I’d like to make some things clear…_

Whoa. That didn’t sound very apologetic.

Hesitantly, he unlocked the phone to read the rest of the message.

 

_I’m sorry, detective, but I’d like to make some things clear._

_I am not in a position where I need to drag people down to get myself up. I haven’t been in a while now. I’m also not in a position where I care what I say looks like, to whom I say it or why._

_Do keep that in mind in the future._

Gavin’s thoughts sputtered and hitched.

That was not what he had expected.

His eyes skimmed over the text again and again, heart picking up speed behind his ribs once more. The words glared back at him boldly.

A familiar feeling tickled the back of his spine and he scrambled to smother it. Even then he could still feel the beginnings of a warm sensation creep up his ears as he hurried to shut off his screen and throw the phone back down facing the sheets.

He had _not_ just thought that was hot.

Nope.

Definitely not.

Gavin kept telling himself as much as he retreated to his bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Unfortunately for him, brushing his teeth didn’t remove the taste of denial from his tongue and all he had left to do was brace himself for the dreams he was likely going to have that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to publicly apologize for not having the slightest idea how companies work. I swear, I tried to do some research but that shit's hard and i decided I'm going to risk making an utter fool of my self with this chapter xD If I gave someone a cringe attack please forgive me.
> 
> also I hope you guys had a lovely Christmas! and I wish you a happy new year as well


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah, I just remembered how I said this work was going to be updated 'regularly'... regularly my ass
> 
> to apologize for that blatant lie, here's an unusually early chapter (that I'm pretty satisfied with too)   
> enjoy sweeties~

“Eyyyyy time to celebrate, bitches!”

The pop of the champagne bottle opening was nearly drowned out by Tina’s yelling as she swayed and grinned drunkenly, getting foam all over the carpet. Nobody seemed to care though as glasses were filled to the top and a toast brought up another wave of cheering.

“Jesus fuck, you’re gonna get me evicted on my first day here.” Gavin laughed after emptying his own glass and grinned at his dumb best friend.

Tina ignored him in favor of supplying herself with more champagne and turning up the volume of the stereo. Her choice of music pulled a groan from Chris who was sprawled on the couch and snickering around his own second glass of bubbly expense.

Gavin’s expense to be more precise yet he couldn’t really bring himself to lament it to be honest.

The three of them had come together to celebrate him moving into a new apartment – a permanent place this time, and to nobody’s surprise the champagne wasn’t the first bottle of booze that had gone around. They were all a bit tipsy, a bit dumb at this point but hell if they weren’t having a good time, Gavin thought as he guffawed at Tina’s failed attempts at dancing to “bitch lasagna”.

Heck, he didn’t even care about the neighbors because nothing could make him leave the place. Not even if they came with fucking pikes and torches to drive him out.

The apartment was good. It was a compact downtown convertible, a short drive or long walk away from the precinct, with new furniture and rather pricey but then again what was the point of a detective’s salary if he couldn’t get a decent place… shit, that sounded awfully familiar, never mind.

Feeling the room sway a little, Gavin decided it was about time for a trip to the bathroom. If he didn’t splash a few handfuls of water on his face he would probably pass out soon and he didn’t want the party to end like that. Him and Tina were already locked in a deadly match of ‘catch the other being a lightweight’ and no amount of alcohol seemed to affect that woman’s memory.

Yeah, Tina was fucking terrifying like that.

So he wobbled to his feet and slurred some dumb excuse before staggering down the hallway.

“Don’t be too long Gav or imma call a first responder team!” Tina called after him, waving her glass and spilling more of its contents on the carpet.

“Yeah, maybe we’ll get Fowler to come personally.” Chris giggled from the couch. He looked on the verge of dozing off despite the grin plastered on his face.

Tina laughed again before looking around the room, having realized she had to find else something to do now that Gavin wasn’t there to bug. Puffin stared at her judgmentally from the top of a bookshelf and she saluted her apologetically, knowing the cat was already more than done with their drunken antics.

“I’m sorry.” She mouthed at the annoyed animal before turning back to scanning her surroundings.

It wasn’t long before she found her target and she grinned manically.

Pulling away from the wall, she went straight for Gavin’s phone, lying forgotten on the edge of the coffee table.

Gavin’s passcode was a piece of cake - he’d never bothered to hide it from her and she almost felt guilty for abusing that trust. Almost. Gavin wouldn’t hesitate in her place either so they were even.

She quickly typed in Puffin’s birthday (Gavin was such a sap) and the device dutifully unlocked for her, a beautiful array of apps with logged in accounts and unclosed browser tabs all waiting to be meddled with or used for blackmail. Tina had a specific goal in mind, however, and it wasn’t any of those.

Even in her drunken state she remembered that Gavin used both his personal number and work one from the same device. And, being a detective, Gavin spread his number around pretty liberally – witnesses, informants, friends and family of victims - a fact that often wielded pretty amusing results.

Because people had no damn reservations. Tina had laughed her ass off when a college kid that had been witness to an armed assaulted had reached out to Gavin with some pretty juicy pickup lines. Perhaps it was time to flirt back a bit, she decided wickedly.

“Hey, what are you up to?” Chris’ voice drifted up from the couch and she shot him a wicked look, a bit skewed due to her inebriation, before darting her eyes back to the phone. She opened the text app on her third attempt and was about to switch numbers when something caught her eye.

Gavin’s personal texts were pretty bland, usually consisting of only her, Chris and some spam ad bots. But this – this was new.

Her brows shot up and she sniggered in delight, opening the conversation without missing a beat.

The alcohol made it impossible to concentrate and read the previous texts so she brushed those off and, squinting with all her might, dived into her fight with the keyboard.

 

_lol who r uu?_

“Lemme see.” Chris shuffled up next to her, finally having caught on to what was happening.

“Look.” Tina turned the screen at him and giggled again. “It’s Kamski.”

Chris’ brows furrowed at first and then he huffed a laugh, trying to roll his eyes. “Yeeeah, Kamski.”

Tina positively glowed at his implicit approval and turned back to the phone where surprisingly a response was already waiting for her.

 

_I’m sorry?_

Her fingers got to work.

 

_ur like the bilionare rightt ,,? androiud daddy? big shot m oney man_

Chris was already crying with laughter. Tina puffed her chest out proudly before letting out a surprised yelp.

“Oh lookie looke!”

 

_Indeed I am._

_Who is this?_

She licked her lips in concentration, already feeling more confident in her typing skills.

 

_ohh no no no, i am the cop so i ask t he questions,,_

_Fair enough._ The reply came after a beat. _What would you like to know, officer?_

_duuh, wh r u called kamski??_

_Because that is my name._

_bullshit! i don believ u!_

Oh, this guy was gold. Whoever Gavin had given his number to was turning out to be the best decision she’d made that night and she fidgeted in anticipation while waiting for a response.

Instead of providing her with one, however, the screen suddenly changed color and it took Tina moment to process that she was getting a video call.

Next to her, Chris was hissing something but she was too sloshed to figure out if he was telling her to pick up or hang up. So she simply went for the accept button.

The screen blurred with new colors again and in a couple of blinks the pixels settled into a focused picture.

Chris and Tina squinted at it simultaneously and Tina was the first to freeze as her jaw found the floor.

“Oh my god.” She breathed, eyes wide and Chris accompanied her with a muffled ‘Shit!’.

From the screen, _Kamski_ raised an amused eyebrow, smirk a few beats away from being shit-eating, and looking perfectly composed as he eyed the two from behind his glasses.

“Oh my god.” Tina repeated again and was too distracted to hear the click of a door closing down the hallway behind them.

“What the fuck is going on here?” She whipped around to find Gavin hovering in the doorway, eyes darting furiously between her, Chris and the phone. It seemed to take him a few seconds to realize what they were looking at but it was obvious when it clicked as his face turned completely white.

“Tina what the _fuck!_ ”

 

 

Meanwhile, sprawled comfortably on one of the leather couches in his living room, facing a glorious view of Lake St Claire’s west coast that was currently bathed in darkness, Elijah smiled at the tablet in his hands.

The screen showed little but the duration of the call and yet he kept catching his thoughts drifting back to it.

The whole spectacle had entertained him marvelously and he could still see the woman’s (Tina, his mind supplied) shocked face as she finally recognized him. She must be one of Gavin’s friends, he mused, and a fellow officer it seemed.

The two were definitely close seeing as they were getting drunk in what didn’t seem as a bar but rather somebody’s living room. There was a man too though Elijah hadn’t seen much of him as he’d stumbled off screen pretty quickly.

The best part of it all, however, had been Gavin’s appearance. Even brief as it was since shortly after, the video had blurred to the sound of muffled cursing and placating and Elijah had been supplied with a five second view of a white ceiling before the picture had jostled again and the call had disconnected.

It was pure comedy, form the pair’s goggle-eyed looks to Gavin’s deer in the headlights expression.

Elijah couldn’t help but chuckle in the emptiness of his home.

It was nice to see that Gavin was indulging in such activities. Elijah had been busy tinkering with one of his projects when he’d gotten the notification of a text (he kept all of his device connected) and he’d assumed Gavin was drunk texting him again which didn’t bode well and had caused him to scowl at the time.

Reality turned out to be much less grim, however, and the fact left him oddly satisfied.

With a few flicks and a smile he deftly brought up a video recording of the call, a privilege that only he had access to as he tended to heavily reprogram all of his apps, and stared at it as he rewinded to a specific moment.

The screen was paused to an image of Gavin, halted in the middle of the doorway. His face was still neutral as he hadn’t caught whiff of what was happening yet. A faint sheen of water clung to his cheeks, the front strands of his hair wet and a droplet was sliding down his neck to soon join others that had turned the edge of his sweatshirt a dark gray.

All of these details were visible thanks to the high quality cameras these days, making the picture as clear as day.

Elijah could even see the damp patches where Gavin had presumably wiped his hands on his sweatpants, tugging them lower down his waist in the process.

Minutes passed as Elijah simply stared at the image.

Eventually, he swiped it down to free his workspace and returned to the schematics smattered across his screen, dotted with side notes and formulas. He worked quietly, transitioning from designs to paperwork, until well into the night a new text notification popped up at the top.

Elijah checked the time. Less than two hours after the call.

He smiled amusedly and opened the pending text.

 

_im sorry about that, my friends are idiots_

Elijah chuckled.

 

_No worries, it was rather entertaining. You were celebrating?_

A moment of silence followed, the usual when Gavin was faced with a question.

 

_yeah, new place_

_just moved in_

Elijah’s eyebrows shot up. So Gavin had left his partner for good. Good for him.

And he was unusually talkative, probably due to some feeling of guilt. Elijah could work with that – he didn’t exactly want the conversation to end yet.

 

_Congratulations then. It looked nice from what little I could see. Were those friends from work?_

This time the response was quicker. A good sign.

 

_oh please as if you don’t live in a fucking mansion_ Elijah could almost envision the eye roll.

_yeah they’re colleagues_

_don’t really have time to mingle outside work_

The word ‘mingle’ gave Elijah pleasant pause. It was so out of character it almost seemed sweet. Although knowing Gavin it was very likely it carried some sort of sarcastic connotation.

Interesting - Elijah suddenly felt the need to find out which it was.

 

_Perhaps you simply don’t have enough motivation?_

_If I may suggest, I could offer a measure of company should you find yourself with some leisure time on your hands._

As expected, the message generated a longer response time in which Elijah genuinely pondered what Gavin would surprise him with next. To be honest Elijah’s proposition had been a bit random but if he were even more honest, he’d never been a stranger to spontaneity.

_are you asking me out on a date?_

Well done detective, Elijah smiled.

 

_And what if I am?_

_well then too bad_

The reply wasn’t at all unexpected. Even so it still stung a bit.

Elijah sighed, a tinge of disappointment somewhere in there, and was just about to accept the rejection gracefully when more text flooded the screen.

_i don’t do dating anymore_

_if you’re looking for a quick fuck though_

_you know my number_

 

That caused a frown to appear on Elijah’s features. Now _that_ he hadn’t expected and it left a particularly sour taste in his mouth.

It was understandable that Gavin would be averse to dating so soon after a break up. But such a flagrant proposition seemed wrong somehow. It didn’t fit with Elijah’s idea of Gavin.

Then again, he couldn’t claim to know the man that well. Seeing somebody hurt and vulnerable hardly made you an expert and yet the feeling of wrongness lingered.

Elijah didn’t like it one bit.

With another sigh, he exited the text app and placed the tablet next to him on the couch. He didn’t feel like looking at it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this?? a glimpse of Kamski?? yes, I'm crying too
> 
> on another note, I just have to thank you all for the support this story is getting! to be honest I don't think I'll ever stop but this means a lot to me so I don't care, you guys are awesome <333


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have university to thank because I stress-edited this while procrastinating assignments and while this might mean the writing is shit you still get a chapter early. so, yay, I guess? 
> 
> also, I don't know if it's noticeable but I'm starting to edit my style to have shorter sentences as I feel like my previous chapters are a bit of a headache to read. If you do notice any change please comment to tell me which style you prefer! I'd really appreciate the criticism ;w;

Gavin was nursing his first cup of coffee for the day when Tina found him.

He watched from the corner of his eye as she lingered at the entrance of the break room staring at him like he was some sort of wild animal. Gavin was having none of that.

“I’m still mad at you, fuck off.” He groused taking a sip from his coffee.

“Hah,” His words seemed to have emboldened her for god knows what reason and Tina made her way over, taking a seat next to him as if she hadn’t just stalked him from the doorway for five minutes. “As if I care.”

She shoved his forearm with her own, prompting an inoffensive ‘Bitch’ from him.

If he had to be honest, Gavin wasn’t really mad at her anymore. Texting Kamski had taken away most of the embarrassment of looking stupid which had been the main fuel to his anger.

After yelling at Chris and Tina and threatening the latter to change his Netflix password, he’d just sulked off to the edge of the couch to finish his champagne bottle. He hadn’t even kicked either of them out after that so he deserved a medal if you asked him.

In truth Gavin had panicked a little. His lack of a violent reaction was mostly due to the fact that he’d been too busy freaking out over how he was going to explain having Kamski in his contacts.

He could always lie but he was a shit liar. Especially where his friends were concerned.

He still remembered the questioning look Chris had thrown him over his shoulder as he put on his shoes after they’d decided to call it a night. That had been it from him thankfully. Tina, on the other hand, he knew wouldn’t be so easily deterred.

And lo and behold, here she was, having apparently bided her time until he sobered up to interrogate him.

“Soo” She began innocently. “I’m not gonna grill you about it,”

Gavin huffed at that.

“Yeah, right.”

Tina narrowed her eyes.

“But I am gonna need _some_ explanation.”

When it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen she gave a loud sigh and threw both her hands in the air.

“Come on, Gav, you can’t just leave me with nothing! It’s bad enough that you still haven’t properly talked about Samuel but now this as well? What am I supposed to make of our friendship here?”

Gavin felt himself bristle at that and whipped around to glare at her.

That had been a low blow.

“Now wait a fucking minute.” He started “That’s not fair, Chen. I told you everything you needed to know. You don’t need to hear the nasty details.”

“Oh yeah sure, _Reed._ ” She snapped back, making him wince. “Maybe that’s true about Samuel. Or maybe you just don’t wanna talk about him which is fine,” She added quickly.

“Asshole’s gone and we ain’t gonna give him the time of day. But don’t even _pretend_ that last night didn’t happen because I sure as hell know that’s what you’re trying to do here.”

Gavin grimaced, forcing down the fact that she was right, and took another sip of his coffee just to spite her. Or not, because he really hadn’t calculated how tired he was to deal with this.

There was no use in stalling anymore. Tina would get the information out of him one way or the other. And he preferred to give it to her on his own terms, not when she had him cornered or drunk or any other tactic she eventually used to wrestle the truth out of him.

So he did. He told her all she needed to know, cropping out select details and being as honest as possible.

By the time he finished, her scowl was more of a thoughtful expression than the look of someone ready for a fight. A tense silence settled over them then and Gavin felt himself itch with nerves. Despite how he might present himself, some people’s opinions matted a lot to him and Tina was undoubtedly at the top of that list.

In fact he often felt like he lived in a constant fear of disappointing her. That wasn’t a bad thing per se. Gavin knew he needed some form of regulation to keep himself in check. And for as long as he could remember, that regulation had been his friendship with Tina.

So yeah, he was a bit nervous.

Thankfully, she seemed to finally decide to take mercy on him and broke the silence that hung between them.

“Don’t bother with that bastard anymore.” Was all she said and Gavin raised an inquiring eyebrow at her.

She, in turn, gave him a look as if he was being difficult and went on to explain.

“They’re all the same.” She scoffed. “Those rich bastards. You shouldn’t bother with people like them anymore – they all have agendas and people like us… we only get tangled up in them and guys like that don’t care much if we get hurt.”

Gavin looked at her for a long moment. She said ‘we’ yet he knew what she meant. In the end he flicked his gaze back to the bullpen dismissively.

“As if I need you to tell me that.” He retorted and tilted his cup to drain the last of his drink.

Hands perched on her petite waist, Tina seemed to contemplate him for a moment before she nodded, apparently satisfied with his reply, and turned around to walk out of the break room without another word.

Gavin watched her retreating back as she strode to her desk and settled down out of sight. The empty cup in his hands sat cold as he kept staring.

He meant it when he said he valued Tina’s opinion a great deal. But that didn’t mean he always told her everything.

He hadn’t mentioned what he’d said to Kamski the previous night. The invitation he’d put out.

Because he knew she would disapprove.

Nevertheless it didn’t feel wrong to omit it as for the first time, Gavin was confident he knew what he was doing.

These past few years had been spent investing too much time in something that had proven to be so brittle and Gavin thought he was the wiser for it. This was how it was going to be from now on – no strings attached, no relationships. He was going to devote himself to his job as he should have done from the very beginning.

It was astonishing, really, how much he’d neglected his career – something he genuinely felt was important to him.

There had always been something else going on, some business scheme, some argument, some effort on his part to make things better. Apparently Gavin was cursed with tunnel vision and he hadn’t even realized how much time had gone by during which police work hadn’t figured in the top of his priority list. He despised himself for it.

A somewhat curious effect of the breakup, though, was his ability to see things in 4k where he’d previously had no idea of them. In retrospect, he could see every node of his thought process, every logical argument that he’d constructed to think and act the way he had.

To him Samuel had been a standard. A benchmark that he had somehow reached and had to fight tooth and nail to keep because he was there on fate’s whim and not because he deserved it.

And Gavin was a magpie – attracted to shiny things all his life. He had started from somewhere around the bottom and the shame he’d carried with him because of it had rotted into a festering, nearly debilitating urge for success. Good when you were a police officer but toxic when you transferred it to your personal life.

Maybe that’s why Tina was so fixated on Kamski. Maybe she got her revelations about Gavin way before Gavin himself did and was worried he’d latch onto Kamski’s attention in an even unhealthier way. Because god knows Kamski had everything Samuel had to offer multiplied tenfold.

A valid concern. But not anymore.

Paper crumpled as the coffee cup was crushed and deposited in a trash can before Gavin followed Tina into the bullpen.

_Not anymore._

 

Half an hour later Gavin was just as restless as he’d been during his conversation with Tina. He fidgeted at his desk nervously, tapping his pen against the shiny surface whilst his teeth worked at his lips anxiously.

This time it wasn’t last night that was on his mind. It was something else entirely and Gavin faltered for the hundredth time as he contemplated taking those few accursed steps to Fowler’s office.

After a few more minutes of shuffling, he finally manned up and took off with a swagger to try and hype himself up.

He immediately lamented not taking another coffee before committing himself to finally doing this. Aside from the party and texting Kamski, his night had been largely consumed by deliberation. This was a decision that he should have taken ages ago and it was late into the early hours of the morning when he’d finally made up his mind for good.

So he wasn’t going to let himself get distracted and backpedal at the last moment.

Coffee would have to wait as a celebratory award.

He trekked boldly over the few steps leading up to the glass office and swung the door open, muttering a hasty greeting as he stepped in.

Fowler fixed him with a curious look from behind the documents he was reading. He seemed surprised to see Gavin there. Not that Gavin blamed him.

After being acknowledged with a nod, he felt the look follow him closely as he approached the man’s desk and lowered himself in one of the leather chairs in front of it.

“Reed.” Fowler began probingly after a pause. “to what do I owe the rather polite intrusion?”

There was no bite to his tone, only a subtle curiosity that he contained behind interlaced hands and a twinkling in his eyes.

Gavin huffed a laugh at the remark. He’d be the first to agree that he usually stormed into places rather than knocking timidly and starting with “Good day”.

“I, uh… wanted to talk to you, captain.”

“Well, that much I guessed myself.” Fowler gestured humorously at the chair Gavin had parked himself into.

Gavin, on the other hand, ignored the friendly icebreaker and steeled himself for what was to come.

“It’s about something I’ve been considering for a while,” _For years now_ , his mind added.

Anticipation filled him with nervous energy and he raised his hand to ruffle the short hairs at the base of his neck.

“I’d like to take the sergeant exam.”

He blurted suddenly and waited for the other’s reaction.

A flicker of surprise crossed Fowler’s face before briefly morphing into contemplation and finally settling into what Gavin hoped to call satisfaction. He leaned back in his chair and eyed Gavin in a way a long-frustrated mentor would look at a child that’s finally gotten the hang of something.

“I see.” He said with a small smug smile. “I have to say, I’ve been expecting that for a while… what brought you round to finally taking the step?”

Gavin nodded curtly at him. “It’s about damn time as you said yourself.”

Fowler humored him with a snort and muttered a quiet ‘cheeky brat’ under his breath. Then his eyes suddenly turned serious as he fixed them on Gavin and held his stare pointedly.

“You do know your disciplinary file isn’t exactly exemplary for a man that’s looking to get himself promoted.”

A few beats passed between them as Gavin held Fowler’s stare with his own unyielding one, jaw set into a hard line. Eventually, though, Fowler relented and dropped the charade with a sigh.

“but you are still a good detective and a promotion ain’t really farfetched at this point.”

Gavin’s lungs filled with air and his blood rushed vigorously at the statement.

His body felt lighter and his shoulders pulled back reflexively, making him sit a little straighter. An automatic response to the praise.

“However, Reed,” Fowler veered all of a sudden. “Are you sure this is the right time?”

The question caught Gavin off guard and he gave fowler a quizzical look as the other leaned across his desk somewhat threateningly.

“What do you mean?” Gavin asked, feeling the familiar defensiveness seep into his tone.

“I mean that I actually pay attention to my subordinates despite what they like to believe.” Fowler clarified.

“And you’ve been out of sorts recently.” He finished with an accusing finger pointed at Gavin.

And Gavin, the guilty bastard, felt himself swallow under the accusation. He opened his mouth to explain and was promptly misunderstood.

“Now, don’t even try to deny it! I’m not buying it just so you know.”

A petulant frown settled over Gavin’s lips. What was with people and always assuming he was about to deflect?

“So tell me honestly.” His superior persisted. “What is going on with you?”

“I just… had a lot on my plate recently. I, uh… I moved.”

He made a vague gesture with his and a disbelieving eyebrow rose to mock it. Fowler didn’t seem to be buying his shit. The man swiveled in his char lightly, the action mimicking a headshake.

“Look I’m fine now.” Gavin defended, getting impatient. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

A loud creak filled the air as Fowler frowned and leaned back from his desk again. His look kept straying back to Gavin who seemed to be sulking now and refused to meet his eyes.

The silence stretched as it filled the office, congealing into an eerie dissonance with the low-key buzz of activity outside the transparent walls.

“All right.”

Fowler resurfaced from the lapse first, causing Gavin to snap his head up.

“What?”

“I said: all right.” Fowler repeated. “I’ll talk to some people.”

“Which means?” Gavin pushed, trying to keep the hope out of his voice.

The captain shifted, something in his posture changing markedly, and sounded more like his usual professional self as he said his next words.

“I’m recommending you for the exam.”

Again, oxygen rushed to Gavin’s lungs and he straightened, feeling the inklings of his hope tangle and coalesce.

“Thanks captain, I won’t let you down!”

God, he loved saying that.

Fowler gave an approving wave of his hand and nodded as a way of signaling the abrupt end of their conversation. Mind still buzzing with excitement Gavin pulled himself from the chair, legs both heavy and antsy and walked away from the desk. The office was flooded with background noise as he pulled the door open.

“You know,” Gavin stilled at the words that carried over the din and turned to face the other man at the far side of the room. “This is the most civil conversation we’ve had.”

Gavin stared at him for a moment before the ghost of his shit-eating grin pulled at lips.

“Don’t get used to it, captain.”

“ _Reed._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact that I didn't know until I did my research - the sergeant exam is a thing and apparently an officer can't just get promoted without passing a test and an interview first. also detective is different as it's more of a position and less of a rank, it seems.   
> I'm not sure as to the procedure of 'applying' for the exam though so that's more or less conjecture on my part ehe~
> 
> also, a reminder that you can find me on tumblr as eyyydbh. It's my side blog dedicated entirely to dbh and I'd love to hear from you if you have any thoughts to share. And not just about the fic too!
> 
> as usual thank you for the amazing support! your kudos, subscriptions and comments make my day honestly!!! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, your girl has two finals behind her back and is ready to get back to posting!
> 
> on a serious note, I'd like to start by saying how overwhelmingly happy I am seeing the support this story is getting! You guys have been incredibly nice both here and on tumblr and this is honestly the best fandom experience I've ever had!! Which is why I'm also happy to announce that I'm planning to expand this story after ch 8 which was planned to be its ending!  
> although I can't say for sure when I'm going to post these drabbles, I do have them outlined and hopefully the incoming exam session will give me as much motivation as the one that originally resulted in this fic's creation xD

Ever since that day when he’d gone to Fowler’s office, Gavin had been hard at work on his exam preparation.

Books, regulations, policies and procedures, files of relevant cases, statistics - it all passed through his hands until his eyes felt like they were bleeding and his head like it was stuffed with static. He went to work early and left long after sundown. Or just snored it out on his desk.

Driving to crime scenes was done with manila folders spread open on his lap, muttering details he had no hands left to jot down in his notebook. If it weren’t for automatic collision avoidance systems he would have mauled over a small nation of pedestrians by now.

Often times he found himself zoning out. He was distracted and hyper concentrated at the same time. Eventually it blurred into a hybrid state of both, causing him to jolt awake from spikes of anxiety during the night and feel lethargic when it was time to work. His detective work didn’t suffer from it. He simply didn’t _allow_ it to.

His sleep schedule did suffer, though, but he ploughed over that fact with the excuse that it wouldn’t be the first time. Sleep and rest were out of the equation until the plaque on his desk read “Sgt.”

It was a little excessive, maybe, yeah. Even so Gavin would rather die than pass the exam with anything short of flying colors. He would walk away from the oral committee without leaving a single smidge of doubt in their minds that he was qualified for the position. It was a self-imposed ultimatum and Gavin wouldn’t settle for anything less.

That’s what he got for cutting corners for so many years – if he really had been serious about outstripping Anderson he would have had that promotion in his pocket already.

At some point Connor had started shooting him odd looks whenever he caught Gavin buried in some array of papers or other. One day he even paused in his regular course to Anderson’s desk and after frowning for a few moments, headed straight toward Gavin with a look of determination that nearly triggered Gavin’s fight or flight response.

Thankfully the bot’s advance had been thwarted by Anderson who had tugged him back and said something too quiet for Gavin to hear. It seemed to do the trick as the android responded with a curt nod and gave up on pestering him afterward.

Gavin had ignored the episode dutifully and continued toiling away. In reality, the all-consuming focus was welcome in a sense. Because outside of work his life was… practically void. It was the same every day: go to work, go home, rinse, repeat.

Sometimes there were hazy moments in between where he found himself draped over his couch, staring blankly into the near distance for god knows how long and sometimes he vaguely retained memories of refilling Puffin’s bowl or cleaning her litter box. They got lost somewhere along the unkempt timeline of his mind, seeming neither here nor there. Almost like he was dissociating.

His apartment had become less a source of comfort and more a source of dread.

Gavin couldn’t lie to himself – he was lonely. All the housewarming parties and living comforts couldn’t distract him from the jarring feeling of not spending his life alongside another person.

Sometimes the silence was so acute he dreaded making any noise. Almost afraid that it would be spit back at him in retaliation.

The most logical thing to do should have been to get away from it but making excuses was just so easy these days. Too busy, too tired, not feeling like it – words that put more and more disappointment in Tina’s eyes every time he repeated them.

She seemed to respect his choice to work hard for the exam – in fact she’d been incredibly glad when he’d told her about it. Yet the hug she’d enveloped him in felt like it had left an indent where her arms had touched him. A cold imprint that dropped in degrees each time he turned her down for drinks.

It was fine, he told himself. He had to do this. He had to succeed, he had to prove to the world that he was worth the space he occupied and wasn’t just another dredge of an existence on this planet as people had tried so hard to convince him in the past.

Once upon a time being a detective had been enough – it had filled him with swagger and self-importance; it was validation and power and an excuse for conceit. Yet it had outlived its potency. As if a switch had been flipped and he’d switched between the only two natural states he was capable of.

For a creature like Gavin there only ever existed extremes. His life felt like jumping from pedestal to pedestal with a gaping chasm between each, reflecting the stakes he imposed on his achievements. He was long used to the anxiety that such a lifestyle inevitably entailed.

Land or fall was a mantra that was stuck on repeat every time he dismantled a case study in preparation for the exam. It was intense and it was exhausting but in Gavin’s experience those became irrelevant once you turned numb to the strain. Automatisation. Look forward and march on.

That’s how he found the strength to drag himself out of bed every morning and drive to the precinct.

Today was one of those mornings and he was tucked into a familiar position, attention split between a new case file on his terminal, a booklet on hostage situations and a dull thudding headache.

The precinct was quiet, mostly due to his own preoccupation, and the silence kept prodding him with the temptation of getting distracted. Despite general expectations, peace and calm in the station were more of a hazard than the buzzing ebb and flow of activity. The latter usually had the curious property of dragging one along in an odd form of kinship.

Connor passed by his desk, just as Gavin ran out of coffee, and shot a grimace his way. It made Gavin’s hackles stand on end – not as much as they usually would given his exhaustion, yet he couldn’t help the usual reaction that a judgmental android spurred in him.

“What’s your ailment, plastic?” He bared his teeth. His headache reared its ugly head again and he wished another coffee would magically appear at his desk.

Connor looked like he wanted to say something for a moment but seemed to give up and simply threw Gavin another stomach-churning look before walking off with that silent prowl of his. Gavin stared after him. The way the bot had shaken his head had looked way too human for Gavin’s comfort.

Suppressing a scowl, he turned back to his terminal, trying to wipe his mind of the memory.

Just as he was about to wrap up an email, however, a fragrant cup of ambrosia appeared next to his elbow, making his nostrils flare and his hands twitch.

After a few moments of staring at it uncomprehendingly he turned up to meet Connor’s eyes.

Immediately his mouth went to protest.

“Just drink it.” The android snapped, pinning him with another fierce glare to discourage any attempts at arguing.

Gavin shot him an ugly frown. Seconds stretched between them, each man refusing to give in until one finally did and tugged the coffee cup close to his chest.

“Fucking machines, trying to poison us all…” Gavin muttered under his breath, taking a sip despite his words and angling his body away from Connor in a childish attempt to hide the fact he was going to drink it.

It took a few more seconds for Connor to depart, as if he wanted to make sure Gavin wouldn’t dump the coffee in his trash bin, and Gavin’s shoulders relaxed.

The cup warmed his hands pleasantly and he closed his eyes letting his thoughts drift for a moment. Bits of memories rose in his mind unbidden, dragging more behind them.

 

_Strawberry or vanilla?_

_what the fuck_

_strawberry_

_Noted._

_._

_._

_._

_did u really hack my phone to add your name to my contacts?_

_Maybe._

_jesus christ_

_._

_._

_._

_You have a cat?_

_how is that your business_

_Merely asking. It’s rather unexpected._

_fuck off_

_wait how did u know I had a cat???_

_._

_._

_._

_It’s Saturday, I hope you’re not at work._

_._

_._

_leave me alone_

Feeling is heart speed up, Gavin took a rattling breath. His eyes snapped open and his gut twisted uncomfortably.

Right. Back to work.

 

Hours later the sun was nearing its dipping point when the call came. Gavin was needed on the field. A suspect likely involved in an underground red ice supply ring was reportedly seen lurking around a warehouse down by the river. They wanted Gavin to check it out and potentially take the guy in for questioning.

Nodding at the receiver as though they could see him on the other side, Gavin ended the call and pulled himself from his chair, feeling his bones creak and ache all over. Fuck, maybe he shouldn’t have skipped lunch earlier. His stomach was rolling uncomfortably and his head throbbed in tandem. It made him for a moment and he paused to lean on his desk.

Counting to five seemed to clear his head enough for him to gather his gun and cuffs and he wobbled in the direction of the exit, attempting to put a bounce to his step in hopes of bringing some life back into his limbs.

He could almost feel Connor’s incandescent gaze burn into his back but he sped away before there could be any repercussions for ignoring it.

The air was biting as he walked to one of the patrol cars and he hurried to get in, equal measure cold and afraid Connor would march out of the precinct any moment now. The growl of the engine was a welcome sound and before long he was en route.

Along the way he focused on trying to make his grogginess go away, shaking his shoulders and exhaling aggressively through his nose.

The drive was shorter than he would have liked however and soon he was stepping out onto the crunchy gravel of a warehouse’s parking lot.

He had been advised to take back up but he’d heeded it as much as he’d heeded Connor’s odd concern and now it was by himself that he crossed the overgrown scrapyard, a wince pinching his features every time his shoes scraped against the rough ground loudly.

Nearing the towering industrial doors, he reached around his back to pull out his gun and slowed his pace to a prowl. The place seemed either abandoned or rarely used, not too worse for wear as far as such locations went. It was still eerily creepy in its quietness and he quickly noted the odd parked cars and piles of scrap metal as possible hiding places.

He continued past them and deeper into the warehouse which he’d marked as a priority. Call it a gut feeling or whatever you like - Gavin himself had never bothered with any labels and simply followed the voice that had developed over his many years as an officer.

Three paces inside and he was already gripping his gun tighter, as if his weapon could compensate for the low drum of his headache and the heavy thump pf his shoes.

He was being clumsier than usual. The yawn he had to stifle next caught him completely off guard and he admonished himself for being so out of it.

_Pull yourself together Gavin_ he chided, shoulders squaring and eyes narrowing at the darkness.

He was on the way to check behind a batch of containers when a faint disturbance reached his ears and he whipped around sharply. His eyes zeroed in on the far end of the warehouse. There was no mistake, he’d heard someone shuffling along the concrete.

Pulse beating a measured rhythm, he clenched his jaw and began treading toward the source of the noise. Whoever was hiding there had reason enough to be doing so and was worth bringing in. His fingers flexed around the trigger.

It took him an excruciatingly long time to cross all the way to the other end of the building and he shot a passing glance at the parking lot outside finding it empty of any retreating figures. The guy must have seen his patrol car and supposed he’d brought back up since he was obviously choosing a longer way out of the place. Or maybe he wasn’t trying to get out at all. Either way, Gavin wasn’t backing out now.

He walked around another pile of containers, adrenaline spiking just before he turned the corner and then stabilizing when he was met with an opening, flanked by rusted metal doors and leading off to a narrower space. Well, at least he knew which way the perp had gone.

Wasting no more time, he slithered through the doorway and blinked rapidly to adjust to his new surroundings. His headache flared in response to the change of atmosphere. The air was heavier here, moisture condensed by the narrower space and sticking to his leather jacket like lead, making him feel frigid and perspired.

To his left the corridor cut off in a dead end while the right side extended into a low-ceilinged passageway. It was dim but straight and that’s what enabled Gavin to spot the figure sneaking around in the dark further down.

“Hey!” He shouted, wincing at his own raspy voice.

There was no response other than a flicker of movement, a head turning back perhaps, before the shadow darted in some direction and melded with the surrounding shapes of crates and other junk.

Fuck.

It was a predictable reaction. Still, Gavin doubted trying to lure the other out with warning fire would get him far so he crept along the hallway after them, deciding to save bullets and to increase his chances of a precise shot by closing the distance a bit.

A thought about that backup crossed his mind and he swiftly cast it away as he fought off a raspy cough. The moisture of the place was starting to get to him.

He walked further down, straining for any signs of the other and getting none even as he neared the end of the hallway. Was there another door there? Had the bastard already slipped away, going through the main storage room and strolling out the warehouse undisturbed? Or had Gavin walked past him, letting him sneak away behind his back?

Those questions kept eating at him and adding to the growing buzz that consumed his thoughts with each passing minute.

Perhaps he had let the other slip away. Perhaps he had already blown it.

That gave Gavin pause and his steps faltered in response, stuttering in time with his sleep-addled thought process. He stopped in the middle of the passage, mouth pulled into a frown and his shoulders dropped unintentionally. That was his first mistake.

Out of nowhere, a loud crash filled the narrow space and the air shifted as the suspect leapt from behind a pile of scrap, the only thing alerting Gavin to it being the noise as it all transpired behind his back.

He turned instinctively, sluggish, slow, and was just raising his gun when a solid weight slammed into his midriff.

The pain came shortly after – one blossom, two blossoms – and he stumbled as his stomach became a source of agony.

Blood hit the cement with a wet slap and Gavin barely registered it before his weapon was knocked out of his hands and he was shoved back into a wall. The perp pulled back lightning fast and soon the only noise were his footsteps as he dashed down the hallway toward the metal doors and the exit. Gavin managed to catch a glimpse of the blade grasped between his fingers.

It was all he managed, however, as the next moment his body seized into shock and he scrambled as he slid down the wall, wave after wave of pain building and spreading from the two wounds in his abdomen.

Stab wounds, his brain supplied belatedly, and sputtered to a stop when a creeping cold began to slither over his limbs. He was starting to go numb.

All processes slowed, the world spinning and turning until it all smudged into a blur and he sagged onto the ground.

The whole situation was somehow familiar.

Comfortingly.

Welcomingly.

He tried getting up but it was like he was pinned under a heavy blanket. The pain couldn’t get to him anymore even though it was still there.

Just like that he lied on the cold floor as seconds, or maybe days flew by around him.

It was his own fault. He’d been sloppy. Careless. This wouldn’t have happened if he’d been at peak condition or if he’d taken backup with him. Alas Gavin was stubborn and his was a one-track mind so he’d forgone it all in place of his usual confidence.

And now he was cold. And alone. As alone as he’d felt for the past few weeks, nobody in the apartment he haunted, nobody to tell him what an idiot he was being and how he was driving himself toward catastrophe.

All of a sudden his buried aches were resurfacing all at once and he felt like he was choking, throat clogged with emotion or blood perhaps, cloying and acidic like the tears that had begun to escape his eyes.

He was going to die here, he knew it. But the fear of being alone when he did was so great and so terrifying that it nearly felt like it was ripping a third hole in his gut.

Before he knew it weak fingers were scrambling blindly at his jacket.

It hurt. It throbbed and it stung and he was cold.

His arm dragged along the concrete as it brought his phone to his face, its harsh light turned dim by the darkness already encroaching upon his vision.

Trembling and with little sense of control, his fingers maneuvered the touch screen clumsily, smearing blood and sticky grime over the words. Something at the back of his mind was beckoning him.

Finally, his thumb found the call button.

Gavin felt relief in the midst of his pain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pffft and yall thought I was being mean to Gavin before
> 
> and yes i decided to add more Connor to this story because a) I love Connor and b) Connor is the resident mom at the precinct, fight me. Also, I strongly feel that Gavin's acceptance of androids is crucial to the development of this story so I wanted to subtly add that in there as well. Or at least he's getting there.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this cliffy (◡‿◡✿) feel free to scream at me on a platform of your chouce


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *inhales* I really dreaded posting this because firstly, I'm really nervous about it and secondly, posting this story has been so so so much fun.
> 
> that being said, I'll leave you guys to reading and I'll see you in the end notes!

Gavin drifted in and out of a bad dream.

It wasn’t a nightmare per se but it left him frustrated; an onslaught of sensations that fluctuated in intensity with no narrative to it, feeling vaguely like a lucid dream but always slinking out of reach the moment he tried to make sense of it. The most annoying thing, however, was the sense of déjà vu it was neatly wrapped in.

He had been here before, he knew it, yet he still didn’t know where ‘here’ was.

This continued for an indefinite amount of time, interspersed with rare moments of clarity before the rug was pulled from under his feet again and he was thrust into a foggy half-sleep. How many times had that happened already? Had he really dreamt it all?

Sometimes he thought he registered a drumming headache. Other times the pain moved down to his stomach. It felt like years before a new stimulant was introduced to his world.

A faint repetitive sound emanated from somewhere to his right. Gavin grasped at the proffered straw, clinging to it like a lifeline. After a while the sound solidified into a shrill beeping that tickled Gavin’s memory teasingly and he tried to scowl at the thought. Sensation flowed into his face at the attempt and soon he felt the disorientation disperse enough for him to try and lift his heavy lids.

A part of him wanted to go back to sleep, was screaming for it, yet the thought of that suspended state terrified him. He felt like he had to ascertain something, a lingering urgency from an experience he couldn’t recall that still nagged at him to wake up, wake up, wake up…

So he did.

There was a bright light. Gavin promptly shut his eyes.

His headache flared horribly as tears flooded his eyes and he was hit with another wave of confusion. He thought he was going to pass out again and it nearly made him whine in distress. The beeping responded to his rising panic but a few slow breaths later he was assuaged by the realization that he was simply still groggy and not close to dying.

The fact encouraged him to valiantly try and open his eyes again.

He approached it slowly this time, taking pains to squint and adjust to the light as he went. Eventually he was able to focus and in the process discovered that what he’d mistaken for a glow before was simply a bright white ceiling.

Things were starting to make sense now - the beeping, the mint green curtains, a few sources of pain scattered over his body. Yep, he was definitely at the hospital.

He heaved a deep sigh of relief at that.

The distant sense of danger at the back of his head deflated along with it and he felt his muscles relax.

The room was quiet, save from the familiar beeping of the heart monitor, and Gavin didn’t bother turning around to look for a nurse or a doctor to explain what had happened to him – someone would probably come to check up on him once morning rolled around anyways.

It seemed like a bother to try and remember by himself. At least that’s what he desperately wanted to convince himself. His mind had other plans however.

Despite his best efforts, it tore mercilessly through the veil of painkillers to serve him the awful memory of a damp corridor in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. From there it was impossible to stop the rest from rushing back.

He remembered in cruel detail the pathetic attempt at cornering his suspect, the momentary distraction that had led to him lowering his gun. And then the pain of the blade as it sliced through his flesh, rendering him helpless on the moldy cement floor where he could only watch as his assailant walked away without a single glance back.

It all settled like a vice around his throat, making itself known every time he swallowed.

God, he’d fucked up royally again, hadn’t he?

There were so many things he could have done differently but instead he’d incapacitated himself while also letting a perp walk scot-free. The guy was probably distributing more red ice this very moment. Another disease was tightening its grip on the city because Gavin had messed up.

Sergeant, my ass - he was a fuck up. Wasn’t it just a month ago that he’d woken up in a similar state, glued to another hospital bed?

He took a deep breath through his nose and felt the tell-tale pressure build behind his eyes. He was becoming unraveled under all these emotions.

Why did he have to wake up in the middle of the night when everything was so quiet? He so desperately wanted Tina to be there, or Chris. Anybody to stave off the impending break down.

Slowly, he turned his head to the right so that the pillow would suck up any tears that ultimately decided to come.

Maybe Samuel was right after all. Maybe he wasn’t worth more than a-

_“Holy fuck!”_

Gavin jumped, the sheets tangling in his limbs in the process. Next to him the heart monitor was going crazy.

“What the actual shit??” He screamed exclaimed, eyes boring into the person occupying the chair next to his bed.

He hadn’t been alone. He’d nearly had a break down with somebody else in the room. Scratch that, this wasn’t _just somebody_.

Gavin stared, eyes bulging, as a pair of black reading glasses were removed and an unreadable half-smile graced Kamski’s lips.

“Good morning detective Reed. How are you feeling?”

The composed cheerfulness in his voice made Gavin wince. It almost made it sound as though there was no good reason for Gavin to be freaking out. Or maybe that was just the way he always talked.

 

Gavin kept staring in part disbelief and part distrust, trying to wrap his head around the other’s presence. Eventually it was his curiosity that won over and he spoke before he had any chance to stop himself.

“Are you crazy?? What are you doing here – you can’t just show your famous face everywhere! And how the hell did you get in after visiting hours?”

The look Kamski gave him was way too placid and it made Gavin want to punch him.

“You know,” Kamski drawled leisurely “the security in this hospital runs on a very outdated operating system.”

He finished with something mischievous in his tone, sending Gavin a smile that set off a twinkle in his eyes.

Gavin couldn’t help it then.

He just couldn’t – not in the face of this maniac, not for the life of him.

He snorted.

It started somewhere in the base of his chest and rose up, dispelling the wariness that had lodged itself in his airways.

“Un-fucking-believable.” He shook his head, averting his eyes to his sheet-covered knees.

This was absolutely ridiculous. He was in the hospital with Kamski next to his bedside, clothed in a faded t-shirt, jeans and a ratty hoodie – the likes of which he was more likely to own the manufacturers of rather than the items. A book lied open on his leg innocently as he balanced it over his other.

It was absurd, Gavin found. Ludicrous.

It made him want to throw his head back and laugh again.

That didn’t seem to be an option though as he felt the dull pain of his stitched up wounds creep up his torso, the angry flesh probably irritated from his excessive actions so far. He willed himself to get used to it, closing his eyes for a brief moment before shuffling down the bed a bit and adjusting his back against the headboard. The crisp sheets rasped in the wake of the movement and then it was silent.

There was a nagging question in the back of his head and he chewed on his bottom lip nervously. It was a question that couldn’t be avoided, he knew.

And yet that didn’t make him any less apprehensive about the answer. So he did what he always did best and avoided it by asking a different one.

“How did you… how did you know I was here?”

He spoke quietly, gray eyes still glued to the sheets.

It was really weird if he thought about it – Kamski knowing his location after the accident. His room number he might have gotten from his little hacking stunt but just knowing that he was injured in the first place didn’t make sense. Assuming that the precinct had sent someone to check up on him after he’d failed to report on the suspect, they should have been the only ones to know. Not to mention Gavin didn’t have anyone listed as his emergency contact (he’d made sure of it after a sweeping operation to erase as much of Samuel from his life as possible).

So what was it? Was Kamski stalking him? Had he hacked his phone the same way he’d hacked the hospital’s security?

Well, as in most cases in Gavin’s life, it turned out it was much worse.

“You called me.” Came the reply without hesitation.

Gavin’s stomach dropped.

“What?”

Kamski shifted, lifting his book up from his legs so he could cross them the other way.

“You called me after you were stabbed. You seemed to be under the influence of blood loss so I couldn’t figure out what was wrong at first but when I did, I contacted the emergency services immediately-“

Kamski kept talking then or he might have stopped but Gavin tuned him out completely as he felt the blood leave his face.

He’d called Kamski. The first thing he’d done after he’d begun to bleed and as he thought he was dying was to call Kamski.

Oh god, it was coming back to him now – his phone, him fumbling with his contacts, blood crusting on the screen and the tone dial that had gotten fainter and fainter as the rush of blood got louder in his ears.

And still, for the life of him he couldn’t remember what he’d said, even though that might have been a blessing on second thought. He probably didn’t want to know what pathetic things he’d spewed.

Fuck, he was one pitiful asshole, wasn’t he. Some part of him must have enjoyed Kamski’s attention all this time, maybe even believed the man cared about him. Embarrassed and mortified, he lied back on his bed without a word until Kamski interrupted whatever he was saying to ask him if he was alright. Gavin answered with a nod.

Silence stretched between them then, clearly much more comfortable for Kamski than it was for Gavin. Gavin assumed Kamski had gone back to his reading though he didn’t turn to check.

Time kept flowing like that, intangible, leaping over seconds and into minutes and hardly seeming to brush its fingers over anything in the room.

The stillness fed into Gavin’s anxieties until his mind fixated on that question again as if to escape them. His reluctance was almost physical but no answer he came up with made sense in his head.

So it gnawed at him. Just as anything else that didn’t quite add up always did, scratching at his brain, urging him to solve mysteries and fill holes.

He hesitated a few times, shuffling where he lay, mouth opening and closing mutely. When he finally gathered the courage to assemble the words on his tongue, however, he was promptly cut off by Kamski.

“The last time you were here, I was responsible for there not being anyone by your side.” He said, making Gavin stiffen in attention.

“Of course, in light of recent events one could argue that it doesn’t really matter. But fact is it caused you emotional distress at the time.”

Blue was on gray again, firm and unmistakably intense yet soft in a way Gavin couldn’t explain and his breath caught in his throat.

“I wanted to make up for that.”

It was said with such finality that Gavin’s heart speed up ever so slightly. He found himself at a loss for words, mouth agape, and he could only stare at the man who sat so calmly across from him. The man who had saved his life.

Kamski wasn’t afraid to return his gaze and for a moment Gavin thought his hunch that he was a mind-reader was true.

“That’s why I’m here.” Kamski interrupted his thoughts quietly and following that conclusion, long legs unfolded gracefully and he was up on his feet, book tucked under his arm and his hands slotting into his jean pockets.

“I wish you a swift recovery detective. I hope we won’t have to meet under such circumstances in the future.” He nodded before turning and making his way to the door.

Gavin watched him go with something heavy weighing on his chest.

Maybe he’d been wrong about this man after all. Maybe he’d treated him unfairly all this time and Kamski didn’t deserve Gavin’s bitterness and the acid he threw his way. Even if… even if he wasn’t as good as he made himself out to be, he’d still been there when Gavin had opened his eyes. He’d still made an effort to come.

Thanks to him, Gavin hadn’t spent his time after waking up alone and in pain and plagued by thoughts about Samuel.

Gavin heard himself inhale audibly and dug his fingers into the sheets. New feelings were battling each other under his skin and he felt time run out of supply as his mind worked itself into a frenzy.

Kamski’s fingers found the door’s indent and he slid it open, putting one foot over the threshold. He was just about to step outside fully and close it behind him to let Gavin take some rest.

That’s when a voice from the bed stopped him.

“Hey, listen…”

He turned his head, eyes fixing on Gavin’s form curiously.

The latter was staring at his interlaced fingers, taking pains not to look at him. Gavin’s voice was quiet when he spoke.

“About- about that date…”

The room seemed to fall still all of a sudden and Gavin grit his jaw under the tension. He didn’t dare say anything. He didn’t dare breathe.

He couldn’t take what he’d said back anyways so he lied still and waited for his verdict. Why the hell had he even-

“Of course.” His eyes snapped to the door.

Kamski was grinning at him – like the cat that ate the canary – and it made Gavin’s heart skip a couple of beats, completely helpless under that smile.

“You know my number. I’ll expect a call when you feel well enough to be on your feet, detective.”

With that, Kamski pulled the hospital mask that had been hanging around his neck over his smirk and slid the door closed, leaving Gavin to tame his raging blush and the herd of butterflies that had decided to have a rave in his stomach. 

After a few minutes of fussing, Gavin finally sprouted a smile of his own. A laugh escaped his lips, causing him to shake his head in amusement and he sucked on his lips in something akin to bewilderment and relief.

God, his life was so crazy. Had that just really happened?

But hey…

…

…

maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS DONE! I'm so sorry if this ending was disappointing to anybody, it ended up as a fluffy healing get-together and I just couldn't write it any other way ;w; Thank you all for reading this far and being so amazing and supportive, making this story an experience I'll never forget! Your comments made me so happy and I've had the chance to talk to so many people thanks to this story that I couldn't be more grateful for it! Here's a small part of my undying love: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
> 
> btw I'd love to hear any and all thoughts you had, any favorite moments, anything you would have liked to be different, just anything because I'll never get tired of hearing from you guys!
> 
> and as for those installments I mentioned~ I'm more or less certain I'm gonna write them though I still can't say when. When that time hopefully comes, I've decided that I'm gonna post them here as additional chapters instead of making this a series. So we have that to look forward to!
> 
> well, I guess that's more or less it from me... toodles for now and thank you for reading once again <3


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